Depressed.. depressed... depressed.. anxious

I had one of the worst panic attacks ever the other night.   It was so bad that I was physically ill.   Nothing caused it that I know of.  But after vomiting twice and being so afraid that I couldn't sleep for five hours after it, I finally passed out from exhaustion. 
I've been rather depressed lately.  Yes, I am taking my meds.   They don't seem to help with depression very much.   Yeah, they have helped with the brain static, but I get random thoughts from no where.  I still hallicinate on occasion.
Ever get a sudden chill and not sure where it came from or why.  I just did.  
Mind you, the book I've been reading has brought up a lot of bad memories.  It's about child hood abuse and rape and such as that and how it can affect other parts of life.   Reading it has brought some of those things up in my memory.  I feel angry toward the male who raped me when I was 10.  For years I've felt numb but now I feel that horrible rage toward him.  He best be glad he's on the other side of the world because if he were here locally and even looked at one of my nieces, I'd kill him in a heartbeat.