Depressed again
I woke up about 3 am last night despite the fact I took a prescription sleep aid. Why, because of the holidays. I started crying because I just 'felt' I would be highly disappointed in the Xmas gift I'll get. Which is silly as I have no idea what it is although I've been teased about it for the past week. As I know the price range, it is likely a nice gift. I got angry with myself for being upset about the present because I don't know what it is so there is no reason to be disappointed. My thoughts kept running in this circle until about 6 am when I finally fell back to sleep.
Part of me is kinda upset that my Mom sold one of the rings that I liked to my brother. Mind you, he's using it as an engagement ring and his girlfriend is one of my closest friends. But I liked that ring and wanted it for myself. It was Mom's ring and she could do what she wanted with it. Chris will be a wonderful sister-in-law and she does deserve the pretty ring. And if they do marry, it will be the first time I'd get to go to one of my siblings marriages as the prior ones was when I lived a 1000 miles away. And I do have pretty rings of my own and the one Mom has I really want she still has.
Maybe I'm just jealous as my ex-husband never bought me a nice ring. He ignored the fact I love marquis shaped stones and got me a round chip, less than a 0.1 carat. Of course, he ignored what I wanted most of the time and once we were married I can think of only ONE gift he gave me for Xmas in the 16 years we were married. And that gift was one out of guilt for leaving a fist sized bruise on my arm. He even forgot my birthday, our anniversaries, Mother's Day and even Valentine's although his birthday was the day before.
Only thing I'm even slightly looking forward to is the snow coming tonight. It will be the first white Xmas I've had in 30 years. Course with tomorrow being Xmas, I'll have to drive in it, but my jeep can go anywhere! It's a jeep so vroom vroom. I'm just overly anxious with the holiday.
Part of me is kinda upset that my Mom sold one of the rings that I liked to my brother. Mind you, he's using it as an engagement ring and his girlfriend is one of my closest friends. But I liked that ring and wanted it for myself. It was Mom's ring and she could do what she wanted with it. Chris will be a wonderful sister-in-law and she does deserve the pretty ring. And if they do marry, it will be the first time I'd get to go to one of my siblings marriages as the prior ones was when I lived a 1000 miles away. And I do have pretty rings of my own and the one Mom has I really want she still has.
Maybe I'm just jealous as my ex-husband never bought me a nice ring. He ignored the fact I love marquis shaped stones and got me a round chip, less than a 0.1 carat. Of course, he ignored what I wanted most of the time and once we were married I can think of only ONE gift he gave me for Xmas in the 16 years we were married. And that gift was one out of guilt for leaving a fist sized bruise on my arm. He even forgot my birthday, our anniversaries, Mother's Day and even Valentine's although his birthday was the day before.
Only thing I'm even slightly looking forward to is the snow coming tonight. It will be the first white Xmas I've had in 30 years. Course with tomorrow being Xmas, I'll have to drive in it, but my jeep can go anywhere! It's a jeep so vroom vroom. I'm just overly anxious with the holiday.
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