dental update. ramble ramble ramble....what a day. xoxo

The Lord nudged me awake.....ok, so he sent in the kitty kitties to nudge me up .....but either way it worked!  I got up early enough to call the dentist at 9 am, which is a little miracle in my world.......they said I could come in at HIGH NOON.  Seems like noon is their go to time for this little dunkin bunkin.

Some good news......they upped their game at the dentist.  They really did.  They used an epinephrine Free novocaine.....this made everything so much better.  HUGELY better!  The odd thing?  They didn't tell me.......so I sat there waiting for the bad side effects....and nothing.  I said," I don't know if my body is reacting differently or it just hasn't hit yet, but so far so good........and that is when the dentist told me he was using an epinephrine free med to numb me.  ......I was so relieved at not having the bad side effects that I stuck out my hand for him to shake and said "I would kiss you but that would not be correct....."  And he said, "I wouldn't mind the kiss, but my wife is another matter....." 

In lieu of being grateful for not having my heart race, my limbs shake, my speech slur and stutter.......I can overlook that remark/take it with a grain of salt (I think I know what he meant and it was nothing untoward....but it still bugged me, that is not what I would ever want my future as not yet met non imaginary husband to say to someone else about me.  I mean one of the greatest things about being married to the one you love is that you can kiss 'em anytime you want.......right? of course right!!! lol, one would hope for sweet affection.....in abundance, it's my imagination and that is what i'm imaging....a very thoughtful, sweet partner who likes to suggle and hold hands. and yeah, kiss his girl......

.......but sometimes in overthink mode I wonder why didn't the doctor tell me he was using an epi free agent in advance of the shot?  I'm not going to say anything to him at this point, but could it be that he wanted to see if I was perhaps suffering some sort of anxiety attack and not in fact reacting to the epinephrine?  Am I wrong to thing stuff like this???? 

Where does thinking like this come from?  Well, here's one example........my long term boss (21 years) decided that I was suffering from some sort of anxiety issue and furthermore he told me that illnesses like CFS and Fibromyalgia only last one year.  According to who I wondered???? ..........and felt anger because I worked for him another 12.5 years after being diagnosed........until I turned into a nub of a worm of a flattened human with no energy left.......and even more medical messes to deal with.  WHAT is going on with me........I'm like, ALL over the place mentally.

Well my dear....the cracked tooth could not be saved, it was pulled, it cost $130 plus tax eighteen more buckaroos....ouch

During the procedure a crown came off....he recemented it back on......but it's not been put on correctly.  It's turned somehow so it doesn't fit comfortably. It feels so weird........not sure how easy or hard it easy to take that bad boy back out and recement it yet again?  A question for them directly I suppose......I told Sam that I am pretty sure they put in in a full quarter turn from where it was previously.  Feels kooky in there.  But the bleeding stopped in a normal amount of time......a big relief for this Xarelto user.  Always happy to know the body is clotting properly! 

When I had to stop taking Xarelto (for five days) for the colonoscopy I nicked my leg while shaving and it would not stop bleeding........I went through several band aids back to back.  I managed to calm myself, talk to the Lord and got a grip fairly quickly.  I don't lose it lose it.......that feeling of being generally anxious.......nervous, like I'm pacing inside my body.  Not a comfortable feeling......I try to take a good breath of fresh air and then pray.  Usually it's a short repetitive prayer.  like, "Lord help me get a GRIP!"  help me ease through this today.....breathe, relax my arms, legs, hands.....feet.  Release the clenched fist approach which leaves me worse off by far than when I relax.......I am not the best of dental patients, but today Rebecca could clearly see a big difference in me and she was extra nice to me.  She reminded me to breathe, to relax.....she put her hand on my shoulder or hand to help me stay in the moment instead of fleeing to panicville station.  The crown is the tooth just behind the tooth they removed......and it popped off during the removal process.  I still had the dizzies.....and had to sit a spell before rising.  And even then I swayed here and there.......but I got through it.  Rebecca walked me out.......and she noted that I was  a wonky girl.  She told me to go home and rest for a couple of days.

So of course I left, went across the highway and ducked into Wal mart.....for smoothie ingredients, for pudding and eggs.  Can't take pain meds on an empty tummy.....no way Jose.

not a cool journal but updates help me stay on top of things. and i can come back here and see how i did with various things in my life........hope this kind of updating in your own journal is helpful to you also. 

I wish that DS could put some of the old things back into this new site.  I miss the interactiveness of the old site......I know it was in bad shape and had been limping along for a long time.......but I didn't know they would 86 some of the best parts of the way the  original DS was.  I miss the way we could go to the boards and see so many different people we know interacting, commenting.....now it feels so disconnected.  I have been hoping to adjust but it's not really happening.  I miss the way we could send hugs and read one another's comments.......not to be nosy....but to be neighborly.  It felt almost like live conversation.......and for those of us who are in our homes and for the most part alone the majority of the time, that connected interactive part was the best part.......it made it human, friendly.......and of course both the old and the new allow us privacy via private messaging as needed........but I really miss those two parts especially.  It doesn't have the same vibe, the same intimate connection as before.  I wonder if I found DS now and never knew of it then would I still feel this way?  You can't miss what you dont' know........but I think I would have this same frustrated lack of satisfaction and not to harp on it all, but i really liked the strong connection from our many rooftops----our little white picket fenceposts around the globe........the way it was set up made me feel so much closer to all of you.  this year has been hard......illness wise.  and losing that tight connection here made it even harder.  I just felt like DS was putting in all these WALLS where before it felt like a neighborhood forum over the fence......friendly, nice.......delightful really.

I am going on too long.....forgive me.  ---- it's felt like another loss we must all endure......I really struggled to find my way here.......and so many times I would comment only to have my comments disappear, write a journal only to have it disappear......I didn't have as many notices in my inbox to let me know you had journalled or commented and for a wonky brain foggy exister it made it another big blockade to endure.  But yes, I still come.......just not as steadily as before. I have spent more time "living in my bedroom this year" than sleeping in my living room like before.  Sitting here in this chair has become the exception instead of the being more active like my previous normal.  I tried to figure out how to have my computer in the bedroom....without too much expense and so forth.  I would have to have them run wires and it would still mean that I would have to use the computer not in my bed......I have a desktop.  What is the simplest way to have a relatively big screen that could be used in bed and not need any technician coming in to ramp up costs...?  I'm sure I should know this, but I don't.......know the answer.......and is the answer cost affordable or cost prohibitive.  sorry....time to lie down.  i'm so tired......hits suddenly and hard.

And on top of everything else my living room tv is almost dead.  Sometimes I can see programming for as long as two hours at a time before the screen goes dark......my oven door needs repairs, my dryer needs repairs......I need repairs.  it's more than i have monetarily........but i gotta tell you, i've gotten many amazing deals at thrift stores by praying for exactly what i need.....somewhere out there someone is getting a bigger screen and no longer needs that 32" screen.......so i need to be on the lookout......for a new to me tv.  i have an quaint entertainment center, it suits my style and no i don't want to change it out.  the top of the cabinet hosts many lovely green plants, the unit has some deep drawers to handle all manner of cluttery sin.......and it has doors i can close when i don't want to see the tv, the dvd player and so forth.  my son will not win on this argument.  he wants me to give this cabinet up and insists the bigger screen will change my life.  i don't want to change my life that much.......that's not a change i feel in need of......sorry for rambling for so long.  i'm amazed that my fingers seem to be working as well as they are. 

i had that nerve study last week......it showed more signs of neuropathy in my right hand than my left and she says it's primarily becuase of my neck........i knew that already.......and still can't believe that i paid her to SHOCK me......it's not terribly painful, but it's still a lot of little shocks......seem like it would only be fair for the patient to shock the doc a few dozen times before leaving......and or get the visit for free.........just sayin.......nightnight.  luzz ya mucho mucho ......

i will try to bring some more life to my journals soon so i don't disappear.......gotta stay present in the moment......in ways other than calling doctors, going to appointments......maybe if i table the livelier journals until I get more doctor stuff behindme I'll do better?  it's a thought........maybe ?