Demotivational Brick Building

     School. Nice big iron block that came crashing back into my life like a desperate drunk ex. 

     I still think it’s hard to talk negatively about school, not because there’s nothing negative to say, but because it’s so overdone and everyone has experienced these feelings one way or another. So what if I add my voice to that? But bear with me, because I want to talk about my experience and opinions. 

     I take four AP classes. Along with school, I’ve also been taking a homework heavy design course, gotten involved in a school club, and am working on college applications. And I can’t help but think that my classes barely pertain to what I want to do in life, and that I’m wasting my time every single day on something that’s extremely draining and stressful, not just for me but for everyone. Yet we are “graded” on our performance, and our futures depend pretty drastically on it. 

     I know there’s always that kid that goes “how is this useful in our lives?” in class, usually a lazy student who wants an excuse to slack off or annoy the teacher. But it’s a real question. If I could just.. not... I could concentrate so much more on what I ACTUALLY want to do: product design! Or explore other careers that interest me and get a better idea of what I’m doing with my life. Alleviate some of my stress. Go to freaking therapy! But instead I’m busting my ass learning calculus, something that absolutely no one can seem to tell me the application of. 

     Yes, I know that in some way all of this is useful, like having a broad knowledge of history is good, and calculus is good for building your logical thinking, but doing this six and a half hours a day plus commute and homework is exhausting. Everyone is exhausted and stressed. This year has had three suicide attempts in the first semester! But the education system probably won’t even change. It’s just some cheap slow ass crap where half the teachers are stupid or don’t care. 

     But now, I’m aware that dwelling on these ideas will just make me bitter.. even if I 100% believe in them. I wish I could bring up my ideas elsewhere, but I’m not very good at speaking up. Sigh... 

     Today just felt very dreary and sad, especially when I realized that after doing my homework it was 9:00 and I needed to go to bed in an hour. Is life just an endless cycle of learn test homework now? Then the knowledge just goes straight out the other ear, because I don’t have enough headspace to keep all of it. Mind, I maintain As and Bs in my classes anyway, which kind of points out the actual quality of our education  in terms of teaching us something in the long run.