Demon of doubt
Had a good extended weekend with my wife visiting our oldest son in another state. She was happy, friendly, and said she wants to work on the marriage. She even started reading the Divorce Remedy book that I've been reading. Still, on the drive home she got snippy and critical... no big deal, I can handle it. This morning she took something I was saying as being insecure (she misunderstood) and kind of let me have it. She said I was pushing her away. I responded I never push her away she only chooses to walk awaywhen I do something she doesn't like. Anyway, I should not have said that. Later on a whim I looked in the book she had been reading. There were only 2 lines highlighted in 3 chapters. Again, no big deal... except they were all about divorce being both spouses' responsibility and such. I do agree I am far from perfect and continually make mistakes. But the fact those were the only highlighted lines leads me to believe she is looking for justification for her view instead of reading in hopes of bettering the marriage.
Now she is home and being great. I think I may be my own worst enemy by allowing myself to think the worst. I need to just clear my mind and heart and have faith.
Replies
You got it right -- you are your own worst enemy. I think you are looking for the negative in these situations with your wife so when it happens it is not surprising. I don't think you are doing this on purpose...it is just based on things that have happened in the past. Try to find the positive because it is there. There are plenty of positives in your post. And come on now...who really highlights in a book they are reading?? You would be very disappointed with me if you looked at the book I am currently reading!
Hugs to you friend. Things are looking up for you and you need to embrace that!
Thank you for the nudge. BTW my book is highlighted, with notes of which pages had quotes about what, and the available space has notes about goals and comments. I do wish I could simple "give" her my trust and my confidence would accompany it. Unfortunately, I think she needs to earn my trust post-betrayal with continual evidence in her commitment to the marriage. I will just have to keep on working to overcome my fears in silence.
I was just joking about the highlights in the book. I totally understand!! She most definitely needs to earn your trust. We give it that first time freely but then things happen and it is super hard to give again. I just want you to see that things might not be perfect right now but they are headed in the right direction. I wish the best for you!