Decisions

Today has turned out better than I planned, I still caught myself dwelling here and there, but overall it was a good day. I've been coming on the site here and there throughout the day and reading some of what others are writing and I saw that there are a lot of stories similar to mine.

After reading and looking at myself a lot today, I made a decision that I will not let this separation and pending divorce decide who I am! I know that I am a good person, and that I was a good wife, and I've made mistakes along the way but I deserve to be happy and I deserve to have a good life!

My life isn't perfect, but whose is, and I am a good, beautiful, smart person with a lot to offer this world, so why should I let the actions of another person, yes the person I love, but still, why should I allow the actions and decisions of another person define who I am, and what kind of life I am going to have?

I realized today that I have to stand up, and take responsibility for my own life with or without my spouse. So, I am gonna get up everyday, and not only thank God for my life and for my spouse and the time I had with him, but also thank him for all the wonderful blessings he's given me, and I'm gonna focus not on trying to figure out why my marriage ended or what I could of done better, but I'm gonna focus on all the blessings and good things in my life. I'm done crying and being angry and feeling bad and sad all the time, life is to short, I'm gonna go out and live, and I'm gonna have a great life with or without my spouse!

Now please don't think that I'm just over it, because I'm not! My husband was the love of my life, and I had this grand plan that we were gonna have this beautiful life filled with love and laughter and happiness, and that we were gonna grow old together, but apparently that is not the plan that God has for me, and I have to acknowledge and accept that, even though it hurts, and it does hurt, I refuse to spend whatever time on this earth I have dwelling in sorrow and self pity, I am better than that!