deciding to focus on vanity

today was so hot and so crazy. At the end of the day I took a shower

and got into a tshirt and boxers and I am laying around in the AC.

I had to deal with a lot of complexity today. People were exhausted

and irritable, from the heat, there was a random new schedule, a lot of work to do

and the craziness of camp kids to deal with.

But they're totally funny and cute. I love the honest outbursts at times. So unfiltered

and probably what a lot of us would like to do. lol

After the heat, I felt so embattled from the crap coming at me though - from the sisters -

I just realized how important it is to treat people with dignity.

I'm well enough to know it was the heat that was messing with my energy levels, insecurity 

and head.

I also think at my stage of life my priorities are shifting a little bit.

I am more focused on dealing with the interdependant relationships

in my life. I say all that because I haven't been focusing on my body so well -I joined

a gym - but do not go - and now I am now chonky again. 

I've been taking care of my life in other aspects but I have tonight ( after seeing outside of the

regimentation that I have made for myself to cope with my mental health challenge and

the work I do here) 

found my way back towards focusing on my wellness in terms of embracing

pride in my room and my person, my appearance etc. I am going to lose weight and focus

on beauty while I am here in my room. I think it's totally healthy- 

and a good sign. 

Again at the end of the day - I felt all these things- but I had the strength and health to keep them

in check - so that I didn't go off the depend... and also I talked to a couple of people, as I decompressed and downloaded from

the day, and afterward - as I found my way again (my mental stability) I realized for all the nature

of rough feelings and narcissistic injuries and caustic behavior we can be on the receiving end of - it's realy important

to deal with each other with dignity when we can. It brings us back. Does that make sense?

Also after I decided to live with a sense of

vanity and focusing on it while in my room (my sanctuary and world apart from the monastics)

I feel like I am finding my strength and health to cope with my life when I am both out there and in here.

They are two different worlds at times. :)