December 6th, 2011

I believe it was from one of the Dark Tower Series...It was a the part where one of the village people got a hold of a piece of paper that had one word written on it. This one word described death and what's next....And if you read it you would go insane. I remember in the book how the entire village had eventually read it and slaughtered each other from the insanity. The main character Roland just standing there to watch. I could have parts messed up in my memory, and anyway this was my dream last night. For some reason it stuck in my head all day. I feel like there is some symbolism for me. Or perhaps my bad thoughts are starting to come back from all the stress. Most of the time I do not come right out and say it, even to myself. I feel like once I say those four words, it's done. Most of the time I just think about running away and disappearing for good. Not just from online, or my friends and family...Just from existence. I think how nice it would be if I was just swallowed up into a big black hole and every speck of my body was evaporated into oblivion. Even my soul, the part that aches the most. But perhaps that isn't what happens and that is why this village killed each other in my dreams. To let me know if I stop trying now, something much worse is soon to come.