Death versus Divorce
Yes, death is final. Never to see them again, that time is gone. I know logically it's not the same. There are days I wish he was, because we don't communicate and he's not the person I married. The person I married wouldn't treat me this way - yes, I know, he is not that person. So sometimes it's just easier to imagine he is dead. I know this probably doesn't make sense. But it's how I feel, I need to be honest somewhere, with someone. I don't wish him ill will.
Replies
Death is easier because the person did not chose to leave. He choses to leave and stay gone every single day in my case. Hoping for peace.
I consider myself like a widow, the grieving
Is almost worst because they left you with
Intent and purpose. HUGS
I had someone tell me yesterday that's it's worse than grieving a death. The person you knew is gone, but someone that looks like him is still around so it's hard to stop hoping he will somehow turn back into the person you loved. I don't want him back, but I'm finding it hard to let go..
Maybe that's what it is, hoping he will turn back into that person. He willing left, and to me that's harder than knowing I had nothing to do with it. Like I said, I have to find some way to deal with it mentally. Being a widow, I would know there would be no way he could come back to me. But now, I know he's out there and making a choice not to be with me. That is a pain I never want anyone to feel, I am trying my best to accept it. God help me
This is exactly how I feel. It's like a death but she's still out there. 8 1/2 weeks now and I'm still grieving the loss. Only difference between death and divorce seems to be that we all here have that little glimmer of hope that our spouses will come back and everything will be normal again. I know this is not true but this is why I've been going to therapy to help deal with these thoughts. I wonder if these thought we all have will ever go away but maybe they will ease off a bit in time.
We are all in this together. Our loved ones decided to discard us like trash. We meant everything to them at one point. How does it shift?
Death would be better because I know that in death he wouldn't have a choice.
I will listen to it. I know I wasn't the wife he needed me to be. I can't go back, only realize my part in the marriage that wasn't right and learn from it.
My husband left once, apparently forever. Then he needed a place to stay, while looking for an apartment. That turned into 5 years! He slept in other bedroom, we rarely talked. I had some depression, but then after 5-6 yrs. felt NOTHING. And I am the most sensitive, caring, person you may ever know. But to me it was over. One day he marched in my bedroom and said "I found out how you feel about me , and NOW I know it is only you I ever loved!!! I said " You will never know how I feel" as I still did not want to hurt HIM, & say I felt nothing. Well, we ended going back, I still carried the hurt, and still do, but guess what?? He got cancer, AND dementia, & I took care for over a dozen years, to the point of total nervous breakdown, severe anxiety, major depression. Then he died x-Mas Day 2015, and let me tell everyone out there, there IS NOTHING worse than this GRIEF. Before, at least he was on this earth, now NEVER again. I cry daily, nightly, have poor, very poor, health and am completely alone. No help from a soul. Got married at 16. Lost my mom (49) from cancer, I was 25. Lost a baby & a 16 yr. old. Separation is sad, depressing, but does not even begin to touch GRIEF. Til it happens to you with a lifetime spouse, I don't expect many to understand. No one to share day-to-day things with. - news, info, new health breakthroughs, you name it. Even getting groceries takes me days to get out and do it. The rooms are hollow & suddenly empty FOREVER, no more loved one ever!!! I am totally broken, wish I were dead.