Dear Life : Please Stop Sucking

I have no idea what's going on in my life lately.
Joey and I are so frayed that I'm scared it's not fixable.  We are constantly at each other's throats.  He is going out of his way to spite me it feels like.  For instance, if I say 'could you please make sure your dishes go in the dishwasher' he will spread them out on the counter by the sink.  Or if I ask for a drink he will get himself one then come in and say 'oh, I forgot to grab you one'.  He has become a lump on a log.  He works, then sits on his tucus all day and evening. 
It's starting to feel like he suddenly doesn't want the responsibility of a family.  Of a fiancee, a daughter, a home, pets.  Nothing.  He goes out every weekend.  Wether to play poker with buddies, watch UFC at his best friends house, or go play golf all day.  One Saturday I had plans to go out with my sister to kareoke (to listen, I sing like a dying moose in pain), and he came home, said he was going out, and just left.  I had to call my sister and say I couldn't come after all.  He didn't even bother to ask if I had plans.  And when he got home and I was angry and told him I had had plans, that I had told him about a few days prior, he said 'oh well, I forgot.'.
Last night I was going to go out for java with my best friend and he tried to leave!  Without Marlow.  I had to force him to take her out for a bike ride.  And that's not like him.  He loves her, I know he does.  Up until the last few weeks he was the kind of dad who would lay on the floor and colour with her, or snuggle and read stories.  He would crawl around on the McDonalds playplace, even though it was too small and hot and stinky, so that she could go because she was too little otherwise.  Now if she comes to him with a book he pushes her away and tells her 'daddy isn't reading to you' or he will take her crayon that she offers and toss it back in the crayon bucket and walk away.  He snuggles still, but if she moves around he get's angry and puts her down.  She's a daddy's girl, and she is suffering with the way he's acting.
But if I talk to him about it he gets so angry, and mean!  He says hurtful things and I end up crying and he ends up tuning me out.
And Marlow, ugh!  I have no IDEA what's gotten into her, besides maybe Loki!  She's gotten such a temper all of a sudden.  She throws screaming fits anywhere and everywhere.  Screeching and swinging at me if I try and give her a time out, or if she happens to be in my arms when the fit starts.  And Joey either walks away, yells at her, or jsut gives her whatever she is screaming about.  The only one that's been helpful is walking away.  But then the time out, or the calming down, or whatever is all in my lap.  I don't know if the way he is has something to do with her attitude, but it's gotten brutal.
I've been unusually cranky.  I know I have.  And I hate it, but I can't seem to stop it.  All I do is snap at Joey all the time.  I'll start asking him to do something, then say 'oh right, never mind, it's not like you will do it anyways' and even though it's true, saying it doesn't solve anything!  But I can't seem to bite my tongue quick enough to stop the pettyness from slipping out.  I'm even short with Marlow, and I hate that even more.  She doesn't deserve my anger, and she doesn't understand it.  I find myself walking away from her because if I don't I'm going to scream.  And oh my god do I cry lately!  Like a freaking faucet.  I'm not a crier in general, I do cry, but not like this.
I just want everything to get better.  I want to be happy, I want Joey to be happy, I want Marlow to get the parents and the family life that she deserves, plus for her to lose her temper.
My big sister is moving back to my city.  And she's moving in with someone who hits the bars at least four days a week.  Because that's what an addict needs, someone who drinks beer like it's water for a room mate.  But when I broached the subject with her she told me I would just have to trust her.  So that's out of my hands, and I don't trust her.  April doesn't social drink, she drinks to get about six hiballs past smashed.  Last time I went out with her I had to physically carry her out of the washroom and out of the bar.  I told her that was the last time I went out with her.  But she thinks I should trust her to handle the constant temptation of booze being shoved in her face??
And my little sister is a mess and a half.  She is so angry all the time.  She suddenly has this massive amount of rage that she flings around like monkeys fling poo!  Her other half, though he is sort of a douche(sorry for the word), is getting tired of the shitty treatment.  She fights with me, and that's normal, but the make ups aren't as quick.  She has even started to fight with our mother, and she has NEVER done that.  Even when she was a hell raiser, she hid from mom and when the tongue lashing came she never fought back.  But now she lunges at the jugular when they talk.
I barely see my big brother anymore.  He was the sibling I got along with best.  When I moved out at 17 he and his room mate kicked out their other room mate so that I could have a room to rent!  Sure, dating was hard when your roomies are both over six and a half feet but I sure felt safe!  But then his now wife moved down.  Her and I used to get along alright.  We have differing opinions but we could get past them.  But in the last six months she has pretty much cut us out of her, my brothers, and their two daughters lives.  If we call she 'has plans' that include her whole family and not ours.  Her mom moved down here and they all see her at least three times a week. My mom hasn't seen her grandkids in months.  And my brother, as much as I love him, has no spine when it comes to his wife.  She wears the pants and he bows at her feet.
Life seems to have hit the Bermuda Triangle.  Things are falling out, and other things are twisting about.  Joey is a complete stranger, laying in bed beside him, stiff as a board, thinking the worst is eating me alive.  Not being able to get him to talk about it, to me or anybody (I have brought up professional help) is killing me.  Watching my siblings fall into their own dark pits also sucks mega lots.
So, Dear Life : Please perk up, or else I will be forced to make some painful, drastic changes, and those will alter your makeup forever, so unless you intend me to suffer before the sun, please take me from my knees, wipe my tears and tell me that it was all a mistake, my life wasn't meant to suck this bad and it will soon be fixed.  Sincerley Jolene

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Is there any way you can take a \"vacation\" for a couple of weeks? Go visit a friend or family?
joleneLS
joleneLS

I have no where I can go alone, but we do have a family vacation planned in a few weeks. Of course our savings had to go to a major, unexpected house fix. But our lodgings are at his sister\'s house, so I am hoping even just going away from our lives here for a week, even if it\'s just to crash with his sister. Will help.
Plus I sat him down tonight and asked him what the hell his problem was. I tried to be tactful, but it didn\'t end up that way. So we hashed some stuff out and are going to try some new things to see if that helps us get along better.