Dealings....
I have to go stay the night at a relative's house and I don't know if I will get a chance to get on here but will try to check my msgs if possible. I have to find a specific nightgown for my grandmother's funeral. My dad is wanting white, cotton and something with sleeves. I wasn't able to find anything of that nature here in the small town I am at and am hoping to visit a bigger town tomorrow and find something more to his liking.
My mom has some membership dealing with herbal medicine so she refilled a bunch of nutrients, hopes that it helps with the St. John's Wart that I am taking to better my moods. We discussed suicide a little bit while I was here. Of course she was hurt I would consider it, also stated I was selfish. She's a nurse so her view is that if I was ill with cancer or something that it wouldn't bother her but just because I am literally tired of all the bs that it can't be a good enough excuse. Nothing that I've considered on regards as an exit strategy just wishing things were different and my luck would change in a big way. Wish I could see other options at the moment but the last few days have just been that crappy. I know this will pass too. My mom bought a new car for her today, a 2010 Camry. She's not as excited as I would be. She works hard as a nurse, rehabilitation clinic in Kansas City 3 days a week at night 7pm to 7am. She works hard for her money and I know she'll love it. Needs it for driving back and forth. I see a lot of me in her. She's been single for so long, doesn't really cut loose that much and I don't want to end up like her. She doesn't get out much, doesn't have much fun and her sense of having a particular guy at 50 is on one hand admirable but on the other hand it's worrisome because I don't know if she'll find someone to spend her life with. Kind of makes me worry about things.
Anywho, I hope all is well out there with everyone else. I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and a great weekend coming up. :)
My mom has some membership dealing with herbal medicine so she refilled a bunch of nutrients, hopes that it helps with the St. John's Wart that I am taking to better my moods. We discussed suicide a little bit while I was here. Of course she was hurt I would consider it, also stated I was selfish. She's a nurse so her view is that if I was ill with cancer or something that it wouldn't bother her but just because I am literally tired of all the bs that it can't be a good enough excuse. Nothing that I've considered on regards as an exit strategy just wishing things were different and my luck would change in a big way. Wish I could see other options at the moment but the last few days have just been that crappy. I know this will pass too. My mom bought a new car for her today, a 2010 Camry. She's not as excited as I would be. She works hard as a nurse, rehabilitation clinic in Kansas City 3 days a week at night 7pm to 7am. She works hard for her money and I know she'll love it. Needs it for driving back and forth. I see a lot of me in her. She's been single for so long, doesn't really cut loose that much and I don't want to end up like her. She doesn't get out much, doesn't have much fun and her sense of having a particular guy at 50 is on one hand admirable but on the other hand it's worrisome because I don't know if she'll find someone to spend her life with. Kind of makes me worry about things.
Anywho, I hope all is well out there with everyone else. I hope everyone has a great rest of the week and a great weekend coming up. :)
Replies
Oh good luck finding the right gown.
I\'m sorry you are still feeling so down. You\'ll get through this, it will get better...really. I think your grandmother\'s passing just kind of did you in, you already had enough pain and heartache on your plate.
Big hugs.
Anglvette. . . you\'re scaring me, girlfriend. If you are entertaining those dark thoughts -- and I certainly have had my turn in that place, more than once -- then I would go to a doc and get the good stuff. Something that will elevate your mood asap. You have a lot going on, a lot expected of you, and I don\'t want your wellbeing to be sacrificed in the process! Gotta look out for #1, right? And don\'t forget it doesn\'t mean your weak, it means your wise enough to take care of your person. No one need know, if that\'s a problem, but do consider it. Would You? Please? Hugs and affection - LittleEngine
Hockeymom---Thank you. Yes I know this will too shall pass. Just tough it seems. Plus I don\'t think it\'s helping with the kids gone in some ways I wish they were here but in other ways I don\'t. I realized a few nights ago I will have to be the bigger person at the funeral as my dad and my grandpa don\'t get along and it\'s seems like I am the buffer. Hugs back :)
ThelittleEnging--Yes I\'ve considered meds but I am trying to see if these pills my mom gave me is going to help out. I am sure they will and she gave me a fresh batch today so I will give it a week or two. Nothing that I am going to take into my hands anytime soon. Just wish it wasn\'t so back to back with all the other crap going on. Would be nice to get that break, lol. Something good to happen. That massage school in Hawaii is looking pretty darn good at the moment, lol. Thank you for your concern Engine, I really do appreciate it. Thank you so much for your concern. :)
Oh and I found 3 different gowns for my grandma tonight. I think they all are nice but that way my dad can have a choice in it because the more I talked with him the more specific he got. It\'s hard to find a good nightgown, most of the stores we went to didn\'t have much of a selection. I went to 2 jc penny\'s, cato\'s, Kohls, Target, Goody\'s and walmart. It was crazy. Tho I did find a dress for myself, on clearance of course. I don\'t get service out there but they have internet on the computer :) I am so glad I got to check it.