DD31's visit (part 2)
So this is why I no longer vent to dh about my kids. I apologized to my boss at our staff meeting yesterday that I didn't know yet what days I would need next month as I hadn't heard from DD31 yet. I have a great bosses and work in a very small office and my boss said no problem...that's the great thing about working in a small office...flexibility.
Anyway, I get back to my desk and look at my ph6and there's 2 texts from DD31 telling me whatever days I can take just to let her know. Her second one said hiw about these days with you and he's days with dad. I looked at my work calendar and asked her if we could switch those days as earlier in the week was busier for me. She texted back, "Done deal." This means she will, for only the 2nd time in 8 years be staying at my house half the time. I wrote her a heartfelt email 2 months ago letting her know how I have felt these last 8 years. I know much of it has to do with their discomfort around dh, but things have gotten better there plus I now have told both my older 2 daughters that regardless of who they had chosen as partners, I loved them and it would never keep me from visiting them and staying at their house. I told her for 8 years I have felt like the court awarded her father "full custody" and me just visitation...all because HE has he "family" and the big marital home. I have for 8 years felt like "the outsider looking in". I admit, much of this has also been due to their discomfort around dh which I understand, but dh now watches himself around my kids when they are here. He, like I am with his sons, kind but distant and tends to disappear when they are here. I do the same when his sons are here. You all know the background with our kids. As I said, things are starting to get better.
My hope when DD31 is here is to get some one-on-one time with her...something we haven't had in 3 years. She is her father's daughter...doesn't share her feelings freely and I have to ask her 20 questions to get anything out of her. DD29 is MY mini me and we TALK about anything and everything.
So, good. Another drama over and dh is none the wiser. I just told him last night when DD31 will be staying with us and he said not a word. Chances are he's no more exc6about her visit as I am when SS32 comes to visit. Only time is going to make us both feel differently about each other's kids.
Anyway, I get back to my desk and look at my ph6and there's 2 texts from DD31 telling me whatever days I can take just to let her know. Her second one said hiw about these days with you and he's days with dad. I looked at my work calendar and asked her if we could switch those days as earlier in the week was busier for me. She texted back, "Done deal." This means she will, for only the 2nd time in 8 years be staying at my house half the time. I wrote her a heartfelt email 2 months ago letting her know how I have felt these last 8 years. I know much of it has to do with their discomfort around dh, but things have gotten better there plus I now have told both my older 2 daughters that regardless of who they had chosen as partners, I loved them and it would never keep me from visiting them and staying at their house. I told her for 8 years I have felt like the court awarded her father "full custody" and me just visitation...all because HE has he "family" and the big marital home. I have for 8 years felt like "the outsider looking in". I admit, much of this has also been due to their discomfort around dh which I understand, but dh now watches himself around my kids when they are here. He, like I am with his sons, kind but distant and tends to disappear when they are here. I do the same when his sons are here. You all know the background with our kids. As I said, things are starting to get better.
My hope when DD31 is here is to get some one-on-one time with her...something we haven't had in 3 years. She is her father's daughter...doesn't share her feelings freely and I have to ask her 20 questions to get anything out of her. DD29 is MY mini me and we TALK about anything and everything.
So, good. Another drama over and dh is none the wiser. I just told him last night when DD31 will be staying with us and he said not a word. Chances are he's no more exc6about her visit as I am when SS32 comes to visit. Only time is going to make us both feel differently about each other's kids.
Replies
I\'m just so happy for you that she will be staying with you part of the visit!!! This is wonderful progress. You handled the whole thing beautifully and now you will be able to enjoy a wonderful visit! kudos!!
Thanks, Cher! It feels so good to be \"heard\".
Oh good for you! That\'s wonderful news
I\'m glad this was worked out with your daughter. She is splitting her time between you and her father. This is good news.
that is great new, my friend. Hugs.
Thanks, all! A good friend once told me that children weren\'t worth a damn til they turned 30. I\'m finding this to be true. I\'ve seen much growth in the last 5 years with my older 2 daughters, and, may I say, thank GOD!
Glad you\'re going to get some time with her. That\'s great!