DD31's visit
As excited as I am about DD31 coming home to visit in July, it makes me sad as well. My daughters always stay at their father's house when they visit due to their discomfort of my dh. When DD29 and her dh came home in January, I wrote her an email letting her know still how much it hurt me that they don't stay with me and that I would never quit hoping and praying that someday they will. It didn't do any good and I was very hurt. I shut down after they left and didn't call or contact them in any way. DD29 finally called after 2 months wondering why she hadn't heard from me. I didn't tell her how hurt I was. She already knew, but it didn't matter. As always, their feelings were more important than my own.
So, I plan to write my DD31 the same email before she comes. It probably won't help, but I want her to know how I feel. I will be good and not bring it up when she's here, but need her to know.
Why is it adult children's feelings are more important than their parents'?
I'm already feeling anxiety about her visit.
Also, I asked DD23 recently if I could be the one to take her to the airport when she leaves to go live in Maui with DD31 and she sid, "Don't start making me choose, MOM." Ever since the divorce, their father’s gotten to do the shuttle to and from the airport along with them staying with him. I wish they could put themselves in my place and see how these things hurt me. :( Honestly, it's easier when they just stay away.
So, I plan to write my DD31 the same email before she comes. It probably won't help, but I want her to know how I feel. I will be good and not bring it up when she's here, but need her to know.
Why is it adult children's feelings are more important than their parents'?
I'm already feeling anxiety about her visit.
Also, I asked DD23 recently if I could be the one to take her to the airport when she leaves to go live in Maui with DD31 and she sid, "Don't start making me choose, MOM." Ever since the divorce, their father’s gotten to do the shuttle to and from the airport along with them staying with him. I wish they could put themselves in my place and see how these things hurt me. :( Honestly, it's easier when they just stay away.
Replies
Forget about it. There\'s nothing going to change the way they feel about your husband. I\'m just wondering why on earth they feel that way? Didn\'t your ex cheat and divorce you? They are staying with their dad, because it\'s the home that they know. You can\'t change it I\'m afraid. I\'d be more concerned if they didn\'t come to visit you while the are around LOL. As for the airport shuttle. - let your ex do it. It\'s a pain in the ass anyway.
*they are around. Can\'t edit responses grrrr.
Oh my dearest friend....
I know this is so hard and anxiety provoking. And I agree with you, they should be staying with you but all you can do is try! I really love your persistence and commitment to your daughters as I know in time it will, and already has begun to pay off.
As for adult children\'s feelings being more important. I think its a combination of the times we live in now, and the age of the girls. Especially the ones still in their 20\'s.
I can remember myself at that age...and to even spend a little time with my parents was like pulling teeth. I was so involved in myself and my friends that I rarely saw my parents at all. So I am glad that your girls are planning and doing things with you. No...its not ideal yet as they still stay with the ex...but I believe that you should send that email. Keep the lines of communication open and express yourself.
They are certainly old enough to hear how you feel...and you never know, with time, maybe it will start to sink in. I am just glad that they are spending more time with you now lately and to me thats a win!
Good luck my friend!!
Hugss Sandy