daydreams

i have been diagnosed with post traumatic disorder and dissociative disorder not otherwise specified. My father sexually abused me when i was 14 years old, he came back the next night and abused me again. My mother whom I confided in blamed me and as a usual made everything about her. She told me I was the one who was abusive. I somehow survived. I broke into a fantasy life when I was 14 which continues to this day. I am hardly present and have survived two abusive marriages. I have been in therapy for many years but always struggle between fantasy life and real life. I am enmeshed with my mother who I think has borderline personality disorder. I have this love hate relationship with her. My brother turned out to be a narcissist who called me profanity most of my adult life, so I stay away from him. I feel alone and cutoff from the world. I have never mentioned the content of my daydreams to anyone except my therapist. I want to put it out there for everyone to read so I don't carry it with me alone. Even though i feel i have done nothing wrong i feel shame constantly and i feel like i am betraying my characters in my daydreams. But I  want the daydreams to go away and i am hoping putting it out there will help. 

Mana is the main protagonist in the daydreams, she is from a different dimension. she had red skin and claws. she is the energy that makes the universe. she has the ability to transcend different dimensions through a screen. the various dimensions consists of slaves, gladiators, the ring, earth, and mutants. the story is intricate and complicated. Mana has come to save the universe and free slaves. she is also called "mox' which means mother. I am getting anxious writing more. there is an uncle called rudra  who she has to save. Mana gets respected for her abilities. this is all I can handle today.