Day 32

Today, I woke up angry! Angry that he took away some financial stability, took away the protection that I thought  had, took away the provision I thought I had, took away my head laying on his chest as he held me while we slept.  Angry that he took away the Steph-Dad my son's thought they had... Angry that I am again, all alone in this World! I have no earthly family here in the Town that I live, it's just me and my Son's.  He gave me a family, he has 4 older Children and his family is huge! I loved all of it...All of him and he palyed all these terrrible games with my mind, body, emotions, and SOUL! I have Never experienced anything like this before.  

One minute, I think I'm making progress, and the next I'm sad, mad, hurt and wish somehow I could've missed this Pain!  You have to understand that I have dealt with pain from a very young age... I was molested at 5 through the age of 10, by 3 different trusted family members (Steph-Dad, Uncle, and my Father's girlfriend).  When I finally got up the nerve to tell, My Mother told me I was lying and allowed my Steph-Dad to remain in the house with us.  He never touched me again, but he would do creepy stuff, like open the bathroom door and watch me as I took a shower or was on the toilet.  Since Mom didn't believe me about the Steph - Dad, I never told her about the others.  From that her and I had a terrible relationship from that point on.  I got pregnant at 16 and was told by her either you sink or swim.  I was promiscuous, dropped out of School in the 10th grade to raise my Son.  My Dad took off years ago, he got with another lady and left my baby brother and I to go and help her raise her Children. I have experienced broken relationships with men all of my life.  At 26yrs. Old I turned my life around at the birth of my 2nd Son.  I stopped being a hoe and focused on being a Mother.  I realized tht my Son's and I had no one but eachother, I always seemed to get caught up with men who were emotionally unavailable. They would get what they wanted from me and discard me.  Rejection and abandonment haunted me for years.  Later on in life after a failed Marriage to my younger Son's Father, which was filled with him abusing