Day 3: December 12, 2017

I wish I could say today was easier. I had two major mood swings today with my wife. I know these mood swings are the direct effect of not gambling and letting my endorphans have their release with the thrill of gambling. I have a little anxiety which I gained from the high stakes poker and sportsbetting I used to do. I pray that my anxiety will subside as my journey continues. 

I did not have ANY urges today to gamble. I am sure it is because the defeat is still fresh in my mind. I keep telling myself, any money I allocate to gambling, WILL be lost.

I was supposed to have poker night with the neighbors, but I know it is a slippery slope if I go especially if I win, which I know I won't. I am going to tell them I have work, which is not a lie, since I have to read 200 pages of guidelines by tomorrow.

I am also a little worried for payday Friday. We will have a lot left over since I worked 35 hours of overtime. I have to tell myself there are more important things than gambling it away.

Finally, today Alex told my aunt that I am not home much at night. He is absolutely right because I spend all my time ubering or working a ridiculous amount of overtime to stay ahead of the bills and debt, but what scares me is that my three kids are now noticing I am becoming absent. My wife does as well. Our marriage is not as strong as it could be because of my anxiety about money and gambling. This has to be my last road to recovery. I cannot risk another relapse, another day 1, another broken promise to myself.

Everyday will get easier, I know it, this is a momentum type situation. I just need to keep positive, keep reminding myself one day at a time, acknowledge I will have urges to gamble when money is around, but understand I will not win and the agony it has caused me.

This ABSOLUTELY is my last chance of gambling sobrioty and cannot risk anything.