Day 3

I woke this morning and it was quite a while before I even thought about a cigarette and it wasn’t a craving. A couple of times yesterday I would definitely have smoked if I had them but it soon passed.

Breathing seems a bit better already. The Spiriva is giving me a husky voice though. It might be sexy on a younger woman but I think at my age it just makes me sound old lol

I meditated for nearly half an hour to Tibetan healing music on YouTube and it went well. Intrusive thoughts didn’t make me have to stop like it has done in the past. I do not want my mind making the association between meditation and trauma memories like it has done with my walking, so if I can’t let go of them easily I stop the meditation. I think I’ll try to get a new phone I can put music and headphones on for the walks.

Still going on duolingo several times a day to continue the Spanish lessons. I wish I knew a Spanish speaker to practice on.

The garden is still awaiting more planting. I will put pea and bean seeds in today. I’m pretty pleased I made the effort, it actually feels good. 

I have put off finishing painting the van until the garden was finished but will get back on to it soon. 

My beach walks with the dog are getting a little longer each day. The weather is getting cooler although still mainly sunny. 

Leanne is keeping in contact by email and phone. 

I texted Liz yesterday to see how she’s doing and when her bowel cancer surgery is but still no answer. I don’t know whether to be worried or not. 

The lockdowns continue of course but it seems we are going to get a second stimulus payment later so that’s going towards saving for Mexico too. Seeing that I can’t go and live in my van to save money because of the virus the stimulus money can go towards it instead. I will also be saving about $75 pw on cigarettes so maybe being forced to sign another lease isn’t quite as bad as it would have been otherwise. I do feel trapped signing a 12 month lease again but I’ll just have to put up with it. 

At least petrol is cheaper than it has been for years. I can still take the dog for country drives and stop for solitary picnics.