Day 22/23/24

Its been another few days since I last wrote something, I feel awful that I couldn't journal. But I was so busy, barely enough time to sit down. Alright I will start from the beginning. Wednesday June 14th, I worked til about 130 and then headed straight home got ready and went to my second interview. I was calm, cool and collected. I went in and first talked with the one lady, one of the first things she said was did you bring your nursing license and I knew right then and there...
I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!!!!
we talked for a bit the other lady joined us, and yes, I had got the job. She offered me it with open arms, I didn't cry though even though I wanted to, TEARS OF JOY that is! She called all my references and decided to give me a chance. I will be trained as an aide first then oriented to the RN position so I get the swing of things. I will be starting July 2nd I put my two weeks notice in at my current job yesterday. They said they were sorry I was leaving but happy I am moving up. That is how I feel too. So Wednesday night I called everyone, and Thursday too, I am so excited, I didn't realize how much I wanted it until now. I really couldn't be happier. Yesterday my mom and I were both off and we shopped all day, I bought nice new scrubs and fathers day gifts, we went out to lunch it was an amazing day. I am walking on cloud nine right now. It was weird though, I wasn't as nervous this time, I tried to apologize for crying but they said don't worry about it, and I don't think they gave me the job out of sympathy and before I left the one lady told me that I was here for a reason. God brought us together for a reason. and that she had something to tell me later. I wonder what it could be? what she has to tell me that is. and I feel as though God said it was time for me to begin my nursing career. My dad said its from all the hard work I have done. I feel that is true, I have been working really hard, I think its time. God said it is, and he wants me to care for those wonderful nuns who have devoted their entire life to helping others. He wants me there, he knows my heart is in this. I am not just there for a paycheck, which yeah the money will help a lot, but I am there to help them. To be there for them and heal them. I feel stronger everyday. I really do. I felt a little off celebrating. But I deserve to. This is what I have worked so hard for for the past five years of my life. Scratch that, my entire life. A triumph. A goal has been attained. My goal, my dream. I am now a working licensed RN! Everything just fell into place. I worried all those long days for nothing. I needed more faith in the plan. But I have it now. The plan. Thats what I am calling it now. Seriously I feel everything happened for a reason. And it did. If I weren't this person I am today, I wouldn't be here. God had a plan all along I feel. I haven't completely forgiven myself yet, and I know that it is the next step but I am getting closer. I feel with more time my forgiveness will come. Working with these women will help me with it I am sure. I am not going to go in  there and tell everyone but I think being around spiritual people will help me to get even closer with God and my forgiveness of myself. I am working for him now, but truely I have been working for him all along. I am not saying that what I did was all Gods doing, I am the one that took that mans life. But I think God had a plan for me. After everything I think this had to happen. I hate saying that, it feels dirty coming out of my mouth. I can beg and plea but I can't get his life back. I wish I could so badly. To know what I do now, but that it wouldn't have happened at all. That is not the way this all went down. I am left with this cross to bear. But I am on the right path now. The one God had intended me to go down in the first place, I just made some wrong turns along the way. Some devastating, heart-wrenching turns.