Day 20 I guess

I've been thinking of C a lot. I feel guilty because I'm dating F. I wanted to write C so much today, I know it would be useless, she'd be rude to me and in the end the whole situation would be humiliating but I wish it wasn't that way, I wish I could write her something.
I also bumped into my friend D. I had a crush on her a couple of years ago, it turns out she is single now and I had the temptation of saying I'm single too but I did tell the truth.
I think of E from time to time too and I wonder how it would be to date this other friend of mine sometimes. 
Bottom line I'm still sick. I'm afraid I shouldn't be dating F because it might be just one of my delusions. I'm horny all the time and I hate it.
Sometimes I feel like breaking up with F, sometimes I want to stick around her. And I'm still thinking about how things would be if I managed to get F to have sex. I try to avoid this but sometimes I don't even realize of it, I just daydream until I snap out of it.
I just want to be healthy again. I don't know how I've managed to avoid looking at porn so far. I pray I have the guts to get better and that soon I can be healthy again.