(Day 2) Thanks everyone
Thank you everyone for your support!I know I usually don't do big entries to my journal because I believe more in "counting the days" than "counting my life" but I will do an exception tonight. I think that maybe If I post about this downswing, this might help people realize that it's happening to them as well and that they need to do something about it before it's too late. I hope that if any of you ever feel the way I felt in the last couple of weeks, I hope that you don't trap yourself into gambling again because it's worst than everything else.
You know when everything goes wrong or when everything is boring. There's no money loss but you get into the boring habits of a normal life without any excitement. A normal life, a normal relationship, having sex once a week, ordering pizza twice a month. It all get to the point that life has no enjoyment for me.
So, I buy a lotto poker lottery ticket during my vacation trip. So, I buy couple of lottery on a Sunday for the family of my girlfriend and myself. So, I buy myself a lotto poker lottery ticket to reward myself for doing overtime at my job three days in a row. It was all about finding a little excuse to fall into some kind of gambling.
Over the last week end, the urge was high and the amount spent went higher. I started to deposit $220 on Poker Stars, telling myself that I worked overtime and that I could do whatever I wanted with the money from overtime and that Poker is not all about luck, that it's about odds, outs and probability with a little bit of chance.
I tilted, of course lost it all over the week end. Nothing left on Sunday evening. Looking to fix everything, deposited $400 on Party Casino, lasted 2 minutes as I was betting $10 a spin, deposited $800 and lost it all again betting $20.I was then in a crisis mode and found that web site:
http://www.sfcghub.com/cgsf1.html
Chatted with some people and I was able to calm down.Thanks for reading,Joshua
You know when everything goes wrong or when everything is boring. There's no money loss but you get into the boring habits of a normal life without any excitement. A normal life, a normal relationship, having sex once a week, ordering pizza twice a month. It all get to the point that life has no enjoyment for me.
So, I buy a lotto poker lottery ticket during my vacation trip. So, I buy couple of lottery on a Sunday for the family of my girlfriend and myself. So, I buy myself a lotto poker lottery ticket to reward myself for doing overtime at my job three days in a row. It was all about finding a little excuse to fall into some kind of gambling.
Over the last week end, the urge was high and the amount spent went higher. I started to deposit $220 on Poker Stars, telling myself that I worked overtime and that I could do whatever I wanted with the money from overtime and that Poker is not all about luck, that it's about odds, outs and probability with a little bit of chance.
I tilted, of course lost it all over the week end. Nothing left on Sunday evening. Looking to fix everything, deposited $400 on Party Casino, lasted 2 minutes as I was betting $10 a spin, deposited $800 and lost it all again betting $20.I was then in a crisis mode and found that web site:
http://www.sfcghub.com/cgsf1.html
Chatted with some people and I was able to calm down.Thanks for reading,Joshua
Replies
Thank you for posting this. I feel that same bordemn and give myself excuses to gamble, to try to find meaning in my life...it hasn\'t worked so far. Stay gf. I\'m trying to with you.
I definitely know what you are talking about. For me its the casino. Easily lost a months of wages in a matter of an hour. It feels like nothing during your gambling. But the world comes crashing down once you realize the money is gone and you have nothing to pay the bills, mortgage or even food. Don\'t be to hard on yourself. I went down the same path as you and probably much worst as I used money that isn\'t even mine to try and fix everything as you say. You can guess my ending. You\'ll feel better once you stop and money comes back. Takes time. No easy way out. I treat the money lost as a bad investment to make myself feel better. It works.