Day 2 of recovery
Today was an okay day. I took some time to reflect on myself while I was on my commute to and from work. I didn't turn on my radio or call anyone on the ride to force myself to just think about what I need to do to ensure that I put myself in the best position to the changes I make during my recovery stick.
I thought about how much my wife, future child, and marriage means to me. It means so much to me and I don't want to destroy it with my lies. Coming to grips with the fact that I do lie in order to avoid confrontation is the hardest thing in the world. It's frustrating and it's always hard to point the finger at myself, but that's what I need to do in order to progress with my condition.
I think the hardest thing for me is the knee jerk reaction to lie about little things. It's almost like an out of body experience, because I can see myself doing it and I know that it's wrong, but in the past I've lied anyway. To this point, I've pretty much put the blame on my family life to justify what I've done, but that's no excuse when I can recognize the problem. The blame needs to be put on me now. It's up to me to fix this and not everyone else. I can beat this, I know I can.
The other night, my wife told me there has to be consequences for lying. I totally agree with her. My future with her and our future child is enough motivation to overcome this. There shouldn't be anything else needed.
I'm going through a ton of emotions right now. I'm upset and frustrated with myself for letting myself lie to my spouse, but at the same time, I am feeling a bit relieved that I am using this situation to push myself in the right direction. This is ultimately a change that I am making for myself and my family. This is the beginning of a new direction for me. I wish I could skip to the end of the book, but I know the road I am about to embark on is going to have some ups and down along the way. I am ready for every twist and turn and will meet each one head on!
I thought about how much my wife, future child, and marriage means to me. It means so much to me and I don't want to destroy it with my lies. Coming to grips with the fact that I do lie in order to avoid confrontation is the hardest thing in the world. It's frustrating and it's always hard to point the finger at myself, but that's what I need to do in order to progress with my condition.
I think the hardest thing for me is the knee jerk reaction to lie about little things. It's almost like an out of body experience, because I can see myself doing it and I know that it's wrong, but in the past I've lied anyway. To this point, I've pretty much put the blame on my family life to justify what I've done, but that's no excuse when I can recognize the problem. The blame needs to be put on me now. It's up to me to fix this and not everyone else. I can beat this, I know I can.
The other night, my wife told me there has to be consequences for lying. I totally agree with her. My future with her and our future child is enough motivation to overcome this. There shouldn't be anything else needed.
I'm going through a ton of emotions right now. I'm upset and frustrated with myself for letting myself lie to my spouse, but at the same time, I am feeling a bit relieved that I am using this situation to push myself in the right direction. This is ultimately a change that I am making for myself and my family. This is the beginning of a new direction for me. I wish I could skip to the end of the book, but I know the road I am about to embark on is going to have some ups and down along the way. I am ready for every twist and turn and will meet each one head on!
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