Day 2 ... gets easier as it goes, right???

So, this is all supposed to get easier w/ each passing day, right?  That's what they (specialists) say!  Why are mornings so hard?  Why do I wake up every morning wanting to hurt myself?  It makes me want to throw the covers back over my head & sleep quite literally forever.  I don't though.  I can't.  I have a job.  But today I didn't have to work.  So, I lay there for 15 min. doing nothing but having an internal pity party.  After 15 min. I realized I was being a fucktard.  I told myself that I'd better get up & distract myself so that I quit feeling like such a shit. ...But you see, there's another of my problems.  I constantly berate myself.  I tear myself to pieces all the goddamn time.  I'm a perfectionist.  I always have been.  I always told myself it's a good thing.  It means I always get the job done.  It means I don't leave stones unturned.  It means I'm always looking for ways to be better.  But yet it means I think I'm awful, unattractive (now there's a euphemism), ugly both inside & out (that's why I cut ... the scars PROVE just how ugly I really am), fat, wicked, blah-blah-insert-insult-here person.  So, where's the balance?  I'm trying very hard to keep my head on straight. *sigh* So there it is.  It's a rough morning.   Well, at least it felt a little better to get that off my chest.