Day 2: December 11, 2017

Today was not too bad. I did have one mood swing and anxiety was pretty high. I sadly took it out on my wife. Deep down, it hurts me so much that I take this addiction out on the ones I love the most especially my parents and wife. I know that if I can keep strong and not relapse that this will be the last roller coaster that I need to go through.

Today also marked the last opportunity for me to have "gambling winnings". I lost in the playoffs in all three of my fantasy football leagues. At first, it was upsetting, the loser mentality came back in full force, but now I realize this was a blessing. If I had won, I know I would have either sports gambled, played poker, or played blackjack with the winnings and I would have thought that I could have turned it into a bankroll. The domino effect would be that I would think about gambling every waking moment. I would have gotten up real early to go to the casino or I would have sportsbet every game possible that night until I lost my last dollar. I DO NOT know when to quit.

If I can keep reminding myself that going forward, any amount of money for gambling WILL NOT accumulate, but instead be lost and only result in depression and anxiety, I will be a happy man.

Day 2 in the books...

Long road to go...