Dating, etc
It hurts me to reject people. It hurts really bad. I’ve stayed in scenarios that hurt me just b/c I didn’t want to hurt others. I’m starting to date. It’s hard for me, it always has been. And everyone I speak to always tells me how great its supposed to be. I never bought it. But I have visions of myself being 60 w a bunch of cats, a really successful career, but alone. B/c that’s what happens when we don’t fight for the things we really want- our whole life passes us by.
I had some work to do last night and I could have done it instead of going out. But I have to find balance in my life. Right now all I wanna do is work. B/c I’m good at it. I mean- I’m a lawyer just starting out- so I’m not awesome- but I’m getting there. And when I put in work- good things happen. That’s the key- I work- good things happen. When I deal w men- bad things happen. No matter how hard I try- I seem to fuck it up. But maybe that’s b/c I view dating with the same eyes as I view work. I’ve lived my whole life guided by only my intellect. A product of my father no doubt. But you can’t control dating b/c you can’t control others. So a date is going to be what its going to be. I need to see it that way. It’s not a failure if I don’t marry the dude. It’s not a failure if it’s a bad date. Knowing what you don’t want is just as important as knowing what you do want. So dates are meant to teach. It’s about enjoying the ride and finding joy. Making the best out of a good thing, etc. Crazy shit- this whole feeling thing. Not trying to control others- what a fucking concept ;)
I had some work to do last night and I could have done it instead of going out. But I have to find balance in my life. Right now all I wanna do is work. B/c I’m good at it. I mean- I’m a lawyer just starting out- so I’m not awesome- but I’m getting there. And when I put in work- good things happen. That’s the key- I work- good things happen. When I deal w men- bad things happen. No matter how hard I try- I seem to fuck it up. But maybe that’s b/c I view dating with the same eyes as I view work. I’ve lived my whole life guided by only my intellect. A product of my father no doubt. But you can’t control dating b/c you can’t control others. So a date is going to be what its going to be. I need to see it that way. It’s not a failure if I don’t marry the dude. It’s not a failure if it’s a bad date. Knowing what you don’t want is just as important as knowing what you do want. So dates are meant to teach. It’s about enjoying the ride and finding joy. Making the best out of a good thing, etc. Crazy shit- this whole feeling thing. Not trying to control others- what a fucking concept ;)
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