Darn Knee!
It's my left knee this time... I walked a bunch today getting my fingerprints done, but I hurt my knee in the process. I did manage to get the fingerprinting done, though, so the worst is over. I left at noon and didn't get there until almost 3pm. I had to make a couple stops because my stomach was acting up and I had to use the bathroom, but even then getting home was 2 hours on the bus. It's such a pain to take the bus sometimes, but for me it's better than driving. I know I would be a horrible driver, so I don't drive. I get more crap from people about me not driving over anything else- even disability. They can understand I can't work, but when I say I don't drive it's like I'm a social pariah. My mom hates that I don't drive. I could have epilepsy, I could be getting seizures. I know I have blackouts that have happened while I was trying to help someone else drive (give directions) so I know that being focused on the road is not enough to stop me from getting one of these blackouts. If I have one of them while driving, I'm going to kill myself and probably someone else too. I can't deal with that. So I don't drive, and it drives people crazy! (pun intended). The last time I posted on here that I don't drive and said why, I had people commenting that I could drive if I wanted to, I just don't want to or something. I just know that it made me mad. I know my limits. I don't want to test my limits. Just trust that I know what's okay for me and others around me.
I don't conform to social norms. I'm okay with that. I get a lot of crap from people about stuff, but this driving stuff makes me mad. I want to try and save lives, and people are pushing me to possibly hurt others? That doesn't make any sense. I know I shouldn't be behind the wheel in the state I'm in. Maybe in a while when I'm better I can drive, but not now. I don't want to drive. You hear that, people who are going to comment? I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE. I WILL HURT PEOPLE! I can't say that enough. I don't know who it was before or even if it was here on DS where people were giving me crap about not driving, but trust me when I say it's for the good of others and myself. I don't like taking the bus very much sometimes, like today, but I would rather take the bus every day for hours than have to live with someone's death on my conscious. So I live with things like a bum knee and hip pain from walking because it's better than me ending up killing myself over guilt.
Okay, enough with the driving rant. I could go on all night if I wanted to. It's something I'm passionate about. I don't understand why people want to force me into that mold. Okay, I said stop! LOL. So yeah, today I spent 5 hours on the bus for a 10 minute fingerprinting session and then went and got some Cuban food across the street. The Cuban food was good- I had some cheese soup and a sandwich. Since I'm talking about food, I'll just do my daily food- I had a piece of pizza for breakfast, the Cuban food for lunch and regular dinner. I did the next part in my Couch to 5K program, which was walk for 25 minutes today, too. I thought it was 30 but I stopped a couple early because of my knee, just to find out that I stopped at the right time. It was nice to know. Now I take the weekend off to let my knee rest and maybe do some strength training tomorrow if I'm up for it. I missed my strength training yesterday because I just wasn't feeling up to it...
Suddenly I'm wondering what day it is, what happened yesterday. I know it's Friday, and yesterday I saw my therapist and I had pizza for dinner, and I have a journal entry to show for it, but yesterday seems like dream to me. It doesn't seem real. Speaking of dreams, I had a nightmare last night that was pretty bad. It had ghosts in it, and ghosts scare me. They were trying to attack Geo and I in this old house we were staying in. I don't remember much about it other than Geo and I trying to find someplace else to stay besides that house (we were on vacation or something), even the local BJ's (like Costco). We ended up having to stay there, and then things got scary and I woke up. My dream doesn't seem real to me, which is good, but at the same time yesterday should feel real... I know it was. I'm remembering more and more about yesterday and filling in the blanks and I'm feeling a bit better about it now. It's feeling more real.
Stress/Mood/Sleep- Today was stressful trying to get the fingerprints done, but now that they are done I have one less thing to stress about. Now I just have to wait a week or two and they will come back with the results. I'm not worried about that, since I've never been arrested or anything, so it's not going to be a problem. I might still stress about it, since I stress about everything, but it's a good way for me to focus on how to deal with stress, especially stressing about things of no importance. Mood is good, I'm feeling more stable today, and I slept about 12 hours last night, no nap. I'm tired now, we will see how I sleep tonight!
I don't conform to social norms. I'm okay with that. I get a lot of crap from people about stuff, but this driving stuff makes me mad. I want to try and save lives, and people are pushing me to possibly hurt others? That doesn't make any sense. I know I shouldn't be behind the wheel in the state I'm in. Maybe in a while when I'm better I can drive, but not now. I don't want to drive. You hear that, people who are going to comment? I DON'T WANT TO DRIVE. I WILL HURT PEOPLE! I can't say that enough. I don't know who it was before or even if it was here on DS where people were giving me crap about not driving, but trust me when I say it's for the good of others and myself. I don't like taking the bus very much sometimes, like today, but I would rather take the bus every day for hours than have to live with someone's death on my conscious. So I live with things like a bum knee and hip pain from walking because it's better than me ending up killing myself over guilt.
Okay, enough with the driving rant. I could go on all night if I wanted to. It's something I'm passionate about. I don't understand why people want to force me into that mold. Okay, I said stop! LOL. So yeah, today I spent 5 hours on the bus for a 10 minute fingerprinting session and then went and got some Cuban food across the street. The Cuban food was good- I had some cheese soup and a sandwich. Since I'm talking about food, I'll just do my daily food- I had a piece of pizza for breakfast, the Cuban food for lunch and regular dinner. I did the next part in my Couch to 5K program, which was walk for 25 minutes today, too. I thought it was 30 but I stopped a couple early because of my knee, just to find out that I stopped at the right time. It was nice to know. Now I take the weekend off to let my knee rest and maybe do some strength training tomorrow if I'm up for it. I missed my strength training yesterday because I just wasn't feeling up to it...
Suddenly I'm wondering what day it is, what happened yesterday. I know it's Friday, and yesterday I saw my therapist and I had pizza for dinner, and I have a journal entry to show for it, but yesterday seems like dream to me. It doesn't seem real. Speaking of dreams, I had a nightmare last night that was pretty bad. It had ghosts in it, and ghosts scare me. They were trying to attack Geo and I in this old house we were staying in. I don't remember much about it other than Geo and I trying to find someplace else to stay besides that house (we were on vacation or something), even the local BJ's (like Costco). We ended up having to stay there, and then things got scary and I woke up. My dream doesn't seem real to me, which is good, but at the same time yesterday should feel real... I know it was. I'm remembering more and more about yesterday and filling in the blanks and I'm feeling a bit better about it now. It's feeling more real.
Stress/Mood/Sleep- Today was stressful trying to get the fingerprints done, but now that they are done I have one less thing to stress about. Now I just have to wait a week or two and they will come back with the results. I'm not worried about that, since I've never been arrested or anything, so it's not going to be a problem. I might still stress about it, since I stress about everything, but it's a good way for me to focus on how to deal with stress, especially stressing about things of no importance. Mood is good, I'm feeling more stable today, and I slept about 12 hours last night, no nap. I'm tired now, we will see how I sleep tonight!
Replies
I can\'t believe people would say that. If you feel it\'s dangerous then you are smart not to drive. You know you could say since you are not working you can\'t afford a car and all the expenses. that would keep them from nagging you.
(maybe)
Hope your knee heals soon. when is the 5K?
why do you need to have fingerprints done?
Hope you had a good session at therapy.
WOW what a dream.
It\'s hard when you can\'t remember what you did in a day.. I\'ve had that happen. At least, you know today is Friday.
Have a great weekend.
You are right to not drive if you have blackouts, in Ca. you could not get a license if you have Epilepse, because of the danger of blackouts and seizures. I am sorry you hurt your knee and hip, I hope it is just a temporary thing from all the walking.
I\'m doing the 5k in about 4 weeks.. I\'m doing it on my own, not an actual race or anything right now... I had to get my fingerprints done to volunteer in a clinic where I will be working with patients, it\'s just standard procedure. I know my knee will feel better soon... it\'s already on it\'s way (it\'s Saturday afternoon) and I\'m doing good!
try not to let the crazuy people and thier stupid comments get to you to much. they are being ignorant. its exciting about the 5k.