Damn Sunday

Horrible day, absolutely horrible...So much to worry about, so much...Becky is "home" which is actually at her Mother's house, who spoils her rotten. Her little sister 32 years old, just moved out. Their mother, in her late 60's or early 70's, still works full time, and until recently, on Lori's work weeks, she would work all day and come home and cook supper for Becky and Jack, who are always there during Lori's work week, and her sister. I have absolutely no idea if she will ever leave her mother now. My sister has no legal rights to Jack, and Becky has made excuses for 8 years preventing it. My sister pays all the bills except for Becky's car payment...and I can't help but wonder if that's part of the reason she has refused to share custody of Jack, it's a reliable way to manipulate my sister as she will do anything, pay anything, to be in the life of the son who may not share her DNA, but has been with Becky for 14 years, went through complicated procedures with her to have Jack. In spending so much time there, I have discovered a lot I was previously unaware of. Apparently, there have been problems, but family and friends were forbidden to tell me, because my sister is protective of me and didn't want me to worry. Becky is still in denial, and before anyone tells me that's her business, it's my business as well because this could absolutely devastate my sister. If Becky dies without giving Lori any legal rights to Jack at all, her mother and sister will take him, and my sister will not be okay. Jack will not be okay. He will have lost both parents. Becky and her family feel we are too leniant with Jack and they and only they know how to raise him. However, when he is with us he is a different child...he is relaxed, happier and I am not judging from my angle, it's just the truth and it's obvious. Becky controls his every move, fusses at him all the time, and he talks back to her just as much. They bicker constantly over the most minor things and he can't do anything right. With us, he is no trouble at all. It is absolutely heartbreaking. On one of my last nights there, Lori told him it was time to get ready to go to the hospital and he had been up since 6am, in school, was tired and just one night wanted to stay home...he started crying and said he was tired of the hospital. Lori said, "Okay son, but do you want to tell your Mom that?" He sighed and said No. He is 8 years old. He already knows that his mother runs the show, and she will get what she wants or there will be hell to pay. An 8 year old little boy was afraid to tell his mother that he was tired and wanted to skip just one day of visiting the hospital. That slays me.

I am extremely angry with the situation. It has bothered me for a long time that my sister paid all their bills, but I understand Becky is a teacher and makes very little in Alabama. My sister makes 3X her salary, so okay, I get it. But near payday every other week, Becky is out of money and asks my sister for some. Her paycheck might be small, but all she has is a car payment...but she eats out at least once a day, twice on the weekends, and it adds up. Especially how much she eats, she is obese, and, oh my goodness, my Jack is getting chubby. He is already going to be different from the other kids...I so badly don't want him to have to battle that goblin as well. The biological donor was slim, so I had hoped Jack would be too and has been up until the last 4 to 6 months. I ordered him an entire new wardrobe for school because his pants were just getting too tight. I measured him, and had to go up a size to a 10, a husky 10, with a forgiving waistband...I bought him 5 pairs of Khaki pants, 5 pairs of Khaki shorts, 10 polo shirts, and clothes for home...all much larger than I expected, and it breaks my heart. He is in karate 3 nights a week now, to hopefully learn some self-defense, and exercize. Becky encourages Jack to show his emotions, which sounds great...but if he cries at school I am even worried more about him being a target. He has 2 moms, he is getting fat, if he starts crying at school...I'm worried. Then if Becky dies, and he is taken from Lori...God knows what any of us will do. I don't know if my sister could survive it. If not, I am certain neither could I. 

Our mother is being immature and petulant because we are unable to have Christmas this year. I have not wanted to since I lost Cassi! It is extremely depressing. I told her to please do whatever she wants to do with her husband and friends, but we don't know what tommorrow holds, we simply can't commit to showing up for Christmas and I am absolutely flabbergasted at how insensitive, selfish and short-sighted she is being. Jack is going to be where Becky is, Lori is going to be where Jack is, and I am going to be where Lori is. It's an extremely difficult situation that we can't put on hold because it's Christmas. Two of our friends came over and helped us decorate the house for Jack, we wanted it to be festive for him. But he is the only one I will do it for. Momma started telling me a few weeks ago that she had been watching Christmas movies on Hallmark and was in the mood for a big Christmas. I told her then to do what she wanted, but my mood was not on Christmas. Then Becky got sick, and it really got complicated in every possible way, and Mother is still angry that she isn't getting the Hallmark Christmas she wanted. I don't even know what to say to her. She's old, if she doesn't understand it on her own, I don't think I can explain it to her. Once her mind is made up she is a brick wall.

My surrogate daughter, a friend of Cassi's who calls me Mama Gina, had surgery 2 weeks ago. She had been having very difficult periods, and had a procedure where the fibroids in her uterus would have their blood supply cut off. Wednesday at 5:12 am she called me in a panic, she was bleeding, cramping, and there was "something" coming out of her vagina, flesh colored. I begged her to go to the emergency room. Later in the day she saw a Nurse Practitioner and was told it was normal. This morning she called me with a fever, chills and cramping. Again I begged her to go to the Emergency Room, and after speaking to the Nurse Practitioner she did. Her white blood cell count was 32,000, not supposed to be over 11,000. She has been undergoing testing, and eas waiting on a cat scan when I last talked to her. She won't let me come to her, she doesn't want me to see her that way...just like she wouldn't let me take her to her surgical procedure 2 weeks ago. She was going to be heavily drugged and didn't want me to see her that way. She is on IV fluids and antibiotics, waiting on cat scan, but they don't believe she's septic, they just haven't found the infection. A pelvic exam and ultrasound of her uterus looked well.

My husband has been peppering me with questions all day that I can't answer because I don't know, and by the end of the afternoon I had lost my patience and snapped at him. It wasn't bad at all, but anything like that, no matter how small, hurts his feelings which he covers with anger. Lori is working this week, so it was Becky's mom's week to keep Jack, but now Becky is there. Lori and Becky are not communicating. Lori is intent on picking up Jack Friday as per the schedule they agreed to, but I have a terrible feeling Becky won't let her take him. I don't even know if Becky is coming home. So when my husband asks me for the 8th time what day and what time I a leaving, or if I am at all, he can't seem to comprehend I can't answer the question becuse I have no answer to the question, I am not defiantly refusing to keep him filled in. I just don't know. Lori doesn't know. Whether or not Becky lets Jack go home with Lori, I have to be there. If he is going to be there, she is going to need my help, and if Becky refuses, I can't let my sister sit alone in her house for a week. If Becky decides she and Jack are going home, I don't need to go. But it's all a great big secret. Lori did tell me tonight that if Becky refuses to allow her her time with Jack, then it's on. She has retained an attorney, but the laws of Alabama are not on her side. She can fight, but there is no guarantee. Sadly, she feels if she pays child support they will allow her to have visitation...so they will charge her to see her son...and she will do it. How could she not? I just hope if it gets to that point she will have a written legal document specifying everything. We have been lied to too many times. The fact that Becky has refused every attempt by Lori to share custody, get married, adopt Jack for 8 years, gives me a really bad feeling. 

So, for the good news, can you believe it?, in one of my groups the admin separated Moms into state groups, there are nearly 1,000 members, and I actually found 2 moms who live near me. I had no idea about them and they had no idea about me. They started their own group for our area, for people with all different problems, grief, drugs, alcohol, etc. I have spoken to others in the group and they rave about it. They meet once a month and I will be going next Tuesday night. The Admin. even feeds us! She prepares huge buffets...I am looking forward to meeting them.

I hope tomorrow is better.