Daily Frustrations

Having so many issues makes daily life feel impossible. I'm anxious about, well, everything. I'm depressed about not doing anything but my anxiety prevents me from doing anything. My eating disorder also makes me feel depressed and anxious. I struggle with that more than anything. I have been in recovery for a few months and I've relapsed this week. Now I don't even want to get better, and that's not usually something your therapist wants to hear. But since the depression, anxiety, and ptsd have all gotten worse, the eating disorder picked up again. And that's how I deal with things. I have a girlfriend, and she is the reason I haven't been self harming, but I guess restricting is another form of that...
 
All the friends I talk to are online, so I never leave the house. My girlfriend is keeping me sane, for the most part. I'm just trying to stay out of the hospital (I've been in three times this year) I really don't want to go back. I miss outpatient (insurance pulled out) the only treatment I get are medications and once a week one on one therapy. And I am grateful for that, but I do miss group therapy, terribly.
 
Mainly, its my eating disorder that is stressing me out. Because i know how bad it can get, and I don't want that. But I also can't handle recovery right now, if feel like I'd be taking on too much. I don't wanna restrict but I feel like I HAVE to or everything will fall apart and I'll feel ten times worse.