D-Day outcome
Today was the day that my husband was sentenced. June 28th, 2012 at 9:30 am he was sentenced to 15 years in prison with 5 years of probation. It couldn've been a lot worse. He has to serve 75% of his time before being eligile for parole. God listen to me it sounds like I just wrote an obituary.
I started to cry a little bit but didn't allow myself to lose control while in the courtroom because it wasn't going to do him any good. He needed to see that I am going to be ok. Luckily had a couple of friends there and we escaped to Einsteins's so I could pretend like nothing happened for as long as possible. The family went to Village Inn but I really couldn't handle that.
The judge understood his standpoint and everything. The prosecutor thought it was a great time to point out stuff that was already pointed out previously to this thing. And of course the family wants restituition which I can understand. I was worried that the prosecutor was going to get the 21 years that he wanted luckily the judge was sympathetic to my husband and the case. I think the mediation package with letters from family and friends, his clean record and the fact that he took full responsibility helped him to make the decision for the 15 years.
I haven't had the full cry yet but I think that will happen once I let my guard down tonight. When I don't see him in my bed. This whole thing sucks the big one. I will live and I have to remember that he is going to have a harder time of it until he can adjust. So his release date is like 2027? If I did the math correctly.
I started to cry a little bit but didn't allow myself to lose control while in the courtroom because it wasn't going to do him any good. He needed to see that I am going to be ok. Luckily had a couple of friends there and we escaped to Einsteins's so I could pretend like nothing happened for as long as possible. The family went to Village Inn but I really couldn't handle that.
The judge understood his standpoint and everything. The prosecutor thought it was a great time to point out stuff that was already pointed out previously to this thing. And of course the family wants restituition which I can understand. I was worried that the prosecutor was going to get the 21 years that he wanted luckily the judge was sympathetic to my husband and the case. I think the mediation package with letters from family and friends, his clean record and the fact that he took full responsibility helped him to make the decision for the 15 years.
I haven't had the full cry yet but I think that will happen once I let my guard down tonight. When I don't see him in my bed. This whole thing sucks the big one. I will live and I have to remember that he is going to have a harder time of it until he can adjust. So his release date is like 2027? If I did the math correctly.
Replies
Oh boy, i have the sad goose bumps reading this. I was hoping by some miracle it would be alot less. I am glad you went with friends after. You just didn\'t need the family drama. Thank god for your good friends. You will need them. I suggest sleeping on the couch if it bothers you too much to be in the bed. I didn\'t change the sheets for awhile so I could smell his aftershave on his pillow. I cried when I finally did.
In a way, it is like grieving a death. A death of all your days you got robbed of. Your future memories. But now girl, you have to start sending letters everyday, send him updates on everything he would want to know about. I even copied newspaper articles about things that happened in our areas we lived in so he would still feel connected to the world we lived in.
I sent him his own magazine. I made it. An assortment of news, pictures of family and other things, I sent articles about Nascar, and his favorite football team. It was a huge envelope. 63 pages. Gave him something to do, and to think about other things but his misery.
It can now be your challenge to often find ways of keeping him in the loop of things. You can start a new job when you are ready, and tell him all about that too.
Prosecutor sounded like a jerk. My guy went to court. The DA had promised to \" stand mute\", but the offenses of his past were READ in anyway so that did nothing at all. Stupid little witch who climbed her way to the top by sleeping with the head DA. Oh yea, that was news. She ended up getting a nasty divorce because of her affair with the DA, and then getting a promotion. Well we know sleeping your way to the top does happen. She sat there all prissy and holier than thou, and I KNEW what a sleazebag she was.
Yes sweetie, this does suck the big one, and your next few weeks are going to suck too. It\'s just a fact, but I have seen you come on here just a short time ago so down, and I have seen you flourish since then. I believe in you. You can do this. I am an \" old\" lady with not that much time in life to waste, not the good years anyway, and I still have no job, I have no man home to love me and help me, and I still pretty much am a mess. You have a great heart and also a very smart head on your shoulders. You will find a way of coping. Oh heck, come to the country, visit. I will show you how city girl\'s can turn into hee haw honey\'s. ( Just kidding)
Did you get rid of those stupid cousins and spend a ok night alone? God I hope so. At 4 a.m. I was still up, and I thought of you. I wondered if you were sleeping at all, or if you were just watching him sleep. I have done that so much. When he comes home, I stare at him while he is sleeping, and he feels me staring and says, geez, knock it off and go to sleep. You want to cherish every little thing when you have them.
Ok, gotta run. Got that stupid boat in my name today. Now I\'ll be damned if that darn man who owned it will keep me hopping anymore. I better not get bothered again today. I am going to tell him, can\'t do anything, broke my toe, and ripped up another one, and am in pain.( I actually did)
Fiance told him my engine blew up and I had no way to go running around for him, so the dumb ass is saying he will find me an engine. HAHA what if he actually did??? That won\'t happen.
I told fiance that he could tell him, Kiss this, and not my rosie red lips. And then he can sing It\'s my party and I\'ll cry if I want to, because I WILL NOT DO THAT CRAP anymore.
Anyway, I will stop rambling. But hope you do as well as can be expected today. You need to sit and have that good cry. Go sit by a lake, or in the mountains, and think of him.
Do you know when you can see him yet? Is he still in county waiting to be moved?? Do you get calls pretty soon? Oh too many questions.
Here are my arms reaching out to hug my dear friend! Oooh, damn shivers again, and it\'s 85 outside. I care.
Oh big huggggss to you!
We are hear if you need us.
Thanks ladies for the support. He was being transferred to County and then to the transition place before being placed probably. Ya I was at my house whole 15 minutes before I called my mom to see what she was doing. So now I am hanging out here and all. I had to remind his mom that she needed to call the bondsman. So of course we don\'t get any of that money back. Which is some major flipping crap since he went to every appearence and stayed out of trouble. Ah well that is the system.
As for the cousins wouldn\'t you know after finishing the journal entry they left lol. I watched him a lil bit but I kinda fell asleep. We held hands and everything. I made sure to hug him last and everything. Ahwell I will live I mean I have the initial easy part right now. At least he has done the county part before so it won\'t be too bad at first. Even though from what I heard county sucks lol
Ok well I am going to try veg out lol might go see a movie I am thinking that new Disney Brave movie lol ^_^ THanks for the hugs... will be on here often too.
a big hug to you stay strong....a friend of mine once told me that crying is good it cleanses the soul....staying busy in any way may help.
Trivera, if crying cleanses the soul, I have the cleanest soul there could be.
Phnxmoon, you sound ok so far. You are right, county is boting for them. No programs, schooling, activities, jobs, nothing. Mine almost wanted to get moved as fast as he could, except county was so close, and I could get there in 15 minutes 6 days a week, but it was on a video camera thing. It sucked.
HAHA the cousins left soon after you complained. Oh well, you had a right to, it was your night.
In a way once the court thing is over, and you know what\'s going to happen, in some ways that is a relief. The waiting and wondering what they will do to him is the killer, although I sure wish they hadn\'t given him so long. So, if I am ok at math, 75% is 10 years, right. UGH!
Mine called today, and I guess because of you, I was just grateful he has less than that, even though I think its long. We learn from each other.
When does your family move in with you? It will be good. It will make it seem a little more normal life, and a lot less lonely.
Start writing NOW, just tell him anything and everything. He will be bored. I imagine it is close enough you can go for visits alot. Where we are they sit at county quite awhile, until court. Then sometimes months after the final sentencing, but they surprised us by taking him the next day. You never know and they NEVER give you a hint. You know we all might try to hijack the van they are in and take them home. Uh... yea sure.
I know that if mine was out on bail knowing he was going in for a long time, we would of taken off, and not came back. The computers are much more hooked up than they used to be, but when we went on the run before, and he turned himself in, the cop said they weren\'t even looking for him, that at some point he would of been pulled over, and they would of got him then. I just cried, cuz he could of been with me longer, but he said it took a toll on his nerves always watching your back. It was fun though, we lived like there was no tomorrow, cuz any day could of been his last day free.
So far you are sounding pretty good. I am impressed, but don\'t beat yourself up if you get down. You have to adjust in your own way and in your own time.
Lots of good thoughts go out to you.
Yes, I agree and I have a clean soul from crying too. I thought I would never stop crying. phnxmoon, I am here grieving with you along with the rest of our wonderful group. I don\'t know if it\'s worse with a son in prison or a husband. I would imagine having a husband incarcerated is much worse. It just sounds awful with talk of the empty bed and aftershave on the pillow. I would probably not wash the pillow case ever.. I would just bury my face in it every night.
One thing that is good, he could have gotten so much more and now you have that goal to look forward to. Every day brings you one step closer. I have no idea when I will get to that point as it\'s only been 2 1/2 months since my nightmare began.
I agree with ihatewisconsin, you are sounding pretty good.. but that\'s because you are in shock. Even though you\'ve had time to prepare and adjust, reality hasn\'t hit yet. When it does, we will all be here just like you are here for us.
I will include you and all my new friends in my prayers tonight.. Speaking of prayers, I applied for a job yesterday and the lady who interviewed me asked me what I do for fun and how do I relieve stress.. I could not even think of one thing I do for fun. I said, oh I pray a lot.. Then I thought I\'d better think now of something else to say cause that sounded kind of dumb.. I added yes, I pray to relieve stress.. fun? fun.. I write, a lot.. I could not think of anything except I have not had any fun in 2 1/2 months but nothing would come out of my mouth. Geez. If I make it to the second round of interviews and I see her again I\'ll give her a list of what I used to do for fun.. More than prayer, believe me.
Sending you peace and comfort..
Thank you dalybird and wisconsin. I think you all are right I am still in shock because I haven\'t broke down crying yet. I might still be in the mode that I have to somehow still be a pillar of strength for everyone and it is taking a little more time for the emotions to bubble to the surface.
I did get a phone call from him so that made me happy. I think it helped him to hear my voice too. He didn\'t even get processed until like 4pm and we were at court at 8:30 am . I feel kinda bad cause he has to be a little bit hungry. I should\'ve pushed to have him eat crackers or a granola bar or something. Even if his stomach was upset ya know?
dalybird you are right too that he could\'ve gotten so much worse. I am grateful it went the way he did.
wisconsin he is suppose to do like 11 years for the 75% but they will also take off the 67 days he was in county. I am not sure if we are going to be able to see him or not because they say for county he has to be there for at least 48 hours. Not sure how long til transport to the DOC....
Maybe you guys have heard of this.... he heard from some guys in there or something that he try to get the judge to reconsider the length of time in prison? I know he made a plea bargain but wasn\'t sure if this was a real thing or not. Also not sure if this is normal or not but the prosecutor on behalf of the victims\' family says that they want to retribution or something for burial costs or something as well as the cost for prosecutors work or something along those lines.
I can understand the family thing but the other stuff... really? I don\'t know insane for sure.
My parents aren\'t sure when they are moving in yet. My sister will definitely be spending the night from friday to tuesday so I am not alone.
I did go see that new Brave movie it is cute totally made me tear up I am such a sap. lol OK guess this response is long enough for now. Thanks again for everyones supportiveness and hugs too. ^_^
it took me a while to cry i just couldnt believe he was gone....i also kept some of his clothes dirty i know it might seem gross but just being able to smell his scent helped and now i have to let my 5 year old sleep in bed with me just to fill the empty spot in my bed...=)
dalybird, oh you got me laughing. Thanks, I wasn\'t doing so well tonite. The part about what do you do for fun, and you said PRAY... well if it is a church you were interviewing at, that would work. I think the person knew you were just nervous. HAHA it sounded pretty funny though, especially the way you wrote it.
Phnxmoon, I hope she made you laugh too. You can now think about that question, if it is asked ahead of time, for an interview. I never knew why they asked that. Wonder if anyone ever says something really bizarre that they do for fun. I usually say, fish, go on walks, have my grandchildren to my house, hang out with my friends, and laugh, and make dinners for people. Who knows how that relates to a job. A well rounded, NORMAL life? Oh, maybe we should say, Oh, I hang out at a prison visiting a convict I love. OR I am an administrative assistant for the incarcerated men at my fiance\'s prison, I am their gopher, I do things for them. Yep that may not be so good.
Maybe say, I knit sweaters and mittens for the homeless, I sing at Nursing homes to make the elderly smile. Oh so many funny things we could say. That would be sucking up, those last ones.
I cried when his clothes no longer smelled like him. But still can\'t get myself to wash them. He would kill me. HAHA
Normally they will be there longer than 48 hours. Depends on where they are taking him and if they transport him themselves, or if they have a transport van comes, that picks up prisoners from several jails all over the state. Then they wait til they have a busload. It is a long ride. My guy got brought back from FL to WI, and it took 2 weeks, because they went so many places first. But they also got put in other county jails overnite, so that the driver could sleep. Or they would have to wait to switch drivers.
At our county jail, you can see them right after the court hearing. It depends from jail to jail.
As far as the retribution part, I don\'t know, ask the lawyer about it. You have a right to talk to him or her. The funeral thing is a little much, but don\'t know.
As far as the judge, better ask the lawyer that too, but what could it hurt? It couldn\'t give him more time. Maybe if you got all his friends and relatives to write, BUT if this worked, you know they would be bombarded with letters daily. But you never know, you may hit a nerve in the judge, a good one, and maybe something can be changed, but wouldn\'t count on it. Mostly they are cold, they do not care about us out here, or who they put in prison. I was shocked when the judge I had was unaware of rules they have in prison. He was shocked and he thought some of them were stupid.
I actually thought about writing to him about my visits, but my guy says, would not do any good. Once they are in prison, the judge has no say of anything, the corrections department has all the power then. But try, see what happens, it varies so much.
From my classes I read that the judge has sentencing guidelines, but it is at their discretion how they sentence each person. Discretion? Shouldn\'t they have rules to go by just like we do?
I thought about you today too..I can\'t imagine what your morning was like knowing where he was going and for how long..I wish I had the right words to make you feel some comfort but I am not sure what those would be..just that you always have someone to talk to and who cares.
Down hear you can try and get your time cut by apling it ( sorry dont know how to speel that) but the down side is that they can give you more time it sucks.
Ive also have hard of familys haveing to pay for the victimes costs i dont agree with it but it can happen.
I sleep in one of D tops every night it kinda makes me feel like iam closer to him. Its good that you have already talked to him.
Like ihate say start writting now..about the day to day stuff how your felling everything it will help you and help keep him in touch with the outside world a bit.
Hugggggggsss
Ps whats brave like? Kinda want to see that!
I\'m glad I can make someone else smile. I need to smile and laugh. It\'s so hard and especially when it\'s all new. So glad we have somewhere to go to ask questions and maybe we wont always have the answers because those answers vary state to state but I\'ve already found answers to questions I didn\'t even know I had yet.
I know, I felt silly after I got home telling my husband about the conversation with the interviewer when she asked what I do for fun.. I still couldn\'t think even then.. My husband thought for me and here is what I do for fun. I sew, write, paint, read, watching \"Lie to me\" on netflix, bake, cook, garden... So I definitely do more than pray for fun. omg, what a dork! I\'m glad you all got a chuckle. Hang in there phnxmoon. I\'m glad you got to talk to him on the phone. I haven\'t done that at all. I write nearly every day, a continuing letter.. till it\'s long enough to send. And I visit 1 or 2 times this week.
@ dalybird and wisconsin . . . you both made me laugh with the whole interview question. My answer is always reading. I warned my husband that when he got out the house will most likely be covered in books lol. THey are like my babies hehe
At my last interview they tossed in a fun question.. If you could be a superhero or have a super power what would it be and why? My response: THe rock guy from fantastic four. I mean he is orange, strong and all he has to do lift a car off someone if they are trapped lol. How awesome is that lol. They loved it.
@such Brave was super duper cute. I might have to get the soundtrack because it was soooo pretty lol. I am a sucker for Disney movies really.
@miskim just having you as one of the people I \"talk\" to on here is comfort enough lol
Last night was a little hard, still no tears yet. I feel like I am a horrible wife or something because I haven\'t fallen apart completely yet. I feel like I am defected in some way. I know it probably sounds silly but I am feeling guilty about it. I tried to watch a movie to fall asleep too that lasted a whole 5 minutes. I wrote a short letter already. But I don\'t have his number to send it yet. I tried to read that didn\'t last either. I pretty much turned off the light turned on the fan cause it is soooo hot here in Colorado. And just laid there for however long and fell asleep. I wound up sleeping til like 10 am. I didn\'t even want to wake up but that is also a normal thing for me too.
My sister will be staying the weekend with her dog and a friends dog and all once she gets off work. I haven\'t heard yet from the interview whether or not I got it but I heaerd this company tends to take a lil while longer lmao. Ah well other than that I am ok just hoping to get another call from him today. ^_^