Cutting...

Right now... I want to feel the freedom and relief of a sharp razor blade cutting into my skin over and over again. Not too deep because I would never want to die this way, but just enough to release the blood from my veins. The pain that it inflicts is nothing compared to the pain I feel inside my head. A pain so deep...painful....lonely.... empty.... lost... that there are no exact words to describe what I am actually feeling. Words come close to almost expressing what I want to scream... but I'm silent. No one knows. Well now you do... But the only thing that gives me freedom or relief is cutting.... it isn't because I want to kill myself... it is because if I don't then I'm going to do something stupid & permanent. Nothing numbs or quiets the pain... alcohol... weed... sex... none of it! Just the cold sharp razor blade cutting into my skin.