cut again.

Cut today... and just want to do it more.
I want so badly to mess my arm up...
One of the things I think about when it comes to the future
is how I can cut all I want, my parents wont be
around all the time to notice.
I can wear long sleeves and cut my wrist and forearm
as much as I want... but if I do that, I'll never
be able to fix this, and that kills me :/
I hate that I even think about that and smile, dream
of a day when I can slice myself up
and not have to be harassed about it all the fucking time.
God.... I hate everything I have become... Do I even
deserve any sort of goodness after this?