Crying

I'm really losing it tonight. I found out my ex was still sleeping with his mistress even after she supposedly dumped him. They had a hotel room, which makes me that much more jealous. We haven't had a romantic hotel room situation sans children for more than 5 years. We got married a few years ago and didn't have any sort of honeymoon at all. I was pregnant w our second child and we went bowling with his buddy that's a notorious cheater (he knocked up his mistress). I caught a bad respiratory virus all of the sudden, have an exam in the morning that I haven't studied for, and wasted my whole night text-arguing with him. Now he threatens to not watch the children tomorrow morning when I have to leave at 7:15 am, and asserts, again, he wants to reconcile and that he's forgiven me for equally bad behavior (negotiable). What sucks is this feels like week one all over again. I feel kicked in the gut and unhinged. He would text that I was a pathetic fat bitch, then how much he really loves me. He's ultimatum-ing me and saying if I don't agree to have a talk "tonight" that he absolutely won't show tomorrow. My nursing clinicals has a policy of one absence can equal dismissal - so it's important to not only have someone in place for my children, but also to not wreck my head with worry over it when I should be focused on my test. I've had all A's and A-'s so far and would hate to blow it because I'm suddenly back in the vortex of divorce drama. Side note: a really slow, beautiful rendition of Ray Charles singing "Georgia" is on the radio. Oddly all night has been blues about break ups and pain and it was like I was hearing the film soundtrack to my life as it unfolded, though I'm not quite that cool to have a real blues soundtrack... probably more 80's pop I'm guessing.