creative - a place to be yourself in life

I don't why, but I have so felt the need, the compulsion to justify myself and my life.

It's made for some very dark and very wasted time in my life when I could have been

adventuring, creating and experiencing things that fill my soul. I have no regrets

but today I was feeling isolated and depressed here at the monastery. My mind

shifts around a lot (I don't always have a clear self reference of focus) and I felt so much more 'agency the group had over me'

than a familiarity for the way I think and what I like to do to have fun.

So I came up to my room after services and morning meal and just kicked back

with Blue. I came to the conclusion that whatever I do - even if it's not a pretty picture

- I need to make my own fun. I reached out to a friend and texted back and forth a little

bit - and then took myself out for coffee. The weather is gorgeous here today!

I stopped by our gardens on the way back and just took it all in! The tiny butterfly -

the fly like creature who was trailing it as it sniffed out pollen from the flowers.

Anyways, I am deciding to do just that. To do things that fill my soul and to accept

that all the commonality I might seek at times doesn't reflect the reality that I am living my life,

my specific life (who some say is to the beat of my own drum but each of us has our own drum in truth!).

I'll live my life and make fun for myself and won't get caught up in misleading assumptions

that I need to fit a mold in order to be legitimate! :)