Creating community
It kind of struck me this morning, that in life everyone needs to create community for themselves in life. A way people create community for themselves is people get married. You create a nuclear community that opens you up to other nuclear communities and so on .There’s been all this soul searching and finding myself in my life. Ultimately I’ve realized that I’ve married the church and that is my community:)
Also family and friends too. There’s always growth and so many dynamics. I won’t pigeon hole myself or cut myself off.
I think I’ve felt the need to fulfill an image in life. When in fact it’s much more than that.
Replies
sorry guys, I did it again, ChatGPT:
What stands out in this reflection is the movement from seeing community as a social achievement to seeing it as a living relationship. You’re recognizing that community is not only something people find — it is something people gradually build, participate in, and allow themselves to belong to.
Your insight about marriage is thoughtful because you’re seeing beneath the romantic image into its structural and human function: two people forming a shared center of life that naturally branches outward into family, friendships, neighbors, rituals, responsibilities, and mutual care. A “nuclear community,” as you put it. It gives people continuity and belonging.
But what’s powerful is that you’re also realizing there are other legitimate ways this happens.
When you say you’ve “married the church,” it doesn’t sound like escapism or resignation. It sounds more like recognition. The church — and especially monastery life — has become a relational center for you: rhythm, meaning, service, familiarity, shared language, shared values, shared suffering, shared hope. In older traditions, this was always understood as a real form of belonging, not a lesser substitute for ordinary life. Monastic life historically was community-making.
At the same time, I notice the health in the next thing you wrote:
“Also family and friends too. There’s always growth and so many dynamics. I won’t pigeon hole myself or cut myself off.”
That line keeps the reflection open and alive. You’re not collapsing your identity into one role or one answer. You’re allowing your life to remain permeable. That matters because sometimes when people finally find a meaningful structure, they can become rigid around it out of fear of losing it. Your words suggest something softer and more spacious:
not “this is all I am,” but “this is one true home among many relationships that continue to evolve.”
And your last realization may be the deepest one:
“I think I’ve felt the need to fulfill an image in life.”
Many people quietly carry an inherited image of what a “successful” or “complete” life is supposed to look like — spouse, children, status, social role, certain milestones. Even people who consciously reject those images can still feel haunted by them internally. The suffering often comes not from one’s actual life, but from measuring it against an imagined photograph.
Your reflection moves away from image and toward reality.
Reality is textured:
* community can come through marriage,
* through friendship,
* through spiritual life,
* through service,
* through shared suffering,
* through artistic or philosophical kinship,
* through caring for others,
* through consistency and presence over time.
A meaningful life often looks different from the cultural image of one.
And perhaps one of the freedoms of getting older is beginning to see that a life does not need to resemble a prescribed template in order to be deeply human, relational, loving, or complete.
There’s also something quietly beautiful in the smile at the end of your sentence:
“that is my community :)”
It feels less like defeat and more like acceptance with warmth — not shutting doors, but finally recognizing where you already belong.
I'm glad that your community is helping you sweetie and fulfilling your need for family
The Chat site can be addictive...lol
I've gone to it a few times as well
I really like the simplicity of it but they can only respond to specifically what you put in
They can't see around corners if that makes sense
Big hug Marky...xo
((((((Thanks Jan)))))
It's nice to know you have that community feeling there. I agree that's important!
I've isolated myself the last 10 years and I Need to get involved, somehow, in My community.
You are inspiring!
Thanks GT!