Crazy is as crazy can be.
Hello everybody and anybody who can read this. It has been a very crazy past few years for me. Things have happened I didn't want to, things haven't happened that I wanted to, god's practical jokes that he plays have taught me a few things about life and what to expect though. I have since started a private security firm, and have my first contract kicking into affect effective immediately. I know I haven't been on this site in forever, but figured I would have to start somewhere. I have met someone who has grown very close to my heart whom I am loving more and more everyday. As I mentioned, god's 'practical' jokes work very mysteriously and leave you to reflect on the meaning. I have learned a lot lately and cannot help but think why? I have had serious issues with god the past few months, and years, to be honest. I have prayed a lot about my ex wife, and even had signs that we were going to work things out, only to be disappointed and hurt even worse then before. However, in hindsight, I guess things worked out the way they were supposed to....
I have spent a lot of time reflecting on myself, and finding out truths about me. I now know that the problems my ex wife sarah blamed on me, ARE NOT me. After destroying what little left of my mind I had because of her, I rebuilt myself up to something I am growing to like a lot better. The new me, as I put it, has raised the eyebrows of people I would have never thought. In the conception phase of my company, my sister, who is a bit skeptical at times, had a long 6 hour conversation with me over it. She asked questions, I answered them. For the first time in my life, I had my sister in complete shock and awe. She was very impressed after the conversation, and said, "William, for the first time in your life, you have thought something so deep and down into the very detail, I am proud of you." She's right, I never thought things through 100%. Not really half assed things, but didn't think things through to the very end. More or less lets think of the starting process, and go with the flow towards the end. The world we live around in is ever changing, and we have to learn to adapt. I think that I have focused on too much negative about things in the past, and really let the change get to me. The faster I learned that change is inevitable, the sooner I learned how to love myself again. I am looking at myself with pride, once again. This time, there is a lot stronger a feel though. I really have felt I have accomplished things in my life. Despite a failing marriage, I found this truth... IT WASNT ME! I did not leave the marriage, I did all I could to save it, I did not hate my wife for leaving, I don't hold her accountable for it as well. She did what she had to do to reach her comfort zone. The question of is she ever loved me or not is irrelevant at this point, and I have moved on. I do love her still, but not the same. She has hurt me and destroyed a part of me, that I am not sure will ever come back.
But as the phoenix arose from the flames, I have too, been reborn. ONCE again in the metaphorical born again Christian, and again as who I am as a person. This past few weeks have been very weird, and I cannot explain it in any other way, as god laying down the law. I have been introduced to a very sweet woman, whom I am loving more and more each day. Her name is Stephanie. Unlike most other women, she doesn't judge me for my faults. She knows I am a smoker, and knows it is a bad habit of mine. She hates the fact I smoke, but still loves me for me. She knows I suffer with PTSD and depression from my service, but still, wants to just help me be me. She really means a lot to me, and I do love her. I know this is a rambling session, but maybe it will help me reflect later down the road. I hope so. I will try to write in this everyday, as I need another way of helping me get some things off my chest and to help move on. As usual, if you're reading this, please feel free to give me any advice, encouragement, criticism, whatever you got! lol. Have a great day folks!
Will
I have spent a lot of time reflecting on myself, and finding out truths about me. I now know that the problems my ex wife sarah blamed on me, ARE NOT me. After destroying what little left of my mind I had because of her, I rebuilt myself up to something I am growing to like a lot better. The new me, as I put it, has raised the eyebrows of people I would have never thought. In the conception phase of my company, my sister, who is a bit skeptical at times, had a long 6 hour conversation with me over it. She asked questions, I answered them. For the first time in my life, I had my sister in complete shock and awe. She was very impressed after the conversation, and said, "William, for the first time in your life, you have thought something so deep and down into the very detail, I am proud of you." She's right, I never thought things through 100%. Not really half assed things, but didn't think things through to the very end. More or less lets think of the starting process, and go with the flow towards the end. The world we live around in is ever changing, and we have to learn to adapt. I think that I have focused on too much negative about things in the past, and really let the change get to me. The faster I learned that change is inevitable, the sooner I learned how to love myself again. I am looking at myself with pride, once again. This time, there is a lot stronger a feel though. I really have felt I have accomplished things in my life. Despite a failing marriage, I found this truth... IT WASNT ME! I did not leave the marriage, I did all I could to save it, I did not hate my wife for leaving, I don't hold her accountable for it as well. She did what she had to do to reach her comfort zone. The question of is she ever loved me or not is irrelevant at this point, and I have moved on. I do love her still, but not the same. She has hurt me and destroyed a part of me, that I am not sure will ever come back.
But as the phoenix arose from the flames, I have too, been reborn. ONCE again in the metaphorical born again Christian, and again as who I am as a person. This past few weeks have been very weird, and I cannot explain it in any other way, as god laying down the law. I have been introduced to a very sweet woman, whom I am loving more and more each day. Her name is Stephanie. Unlike most other women, she doesn't judge me for my faults. She knows I am a smoker, and knows it is a bad habit of mine. She hates the fact I smoke, but still loves me for me. She knows I suffer with PTSD and depression from my service, but still, wants to just help me be me. She really means a lot to me, and I do love her. I know this is a rambling session, but maybe it will help me reflect later down the road. I hope so. I will try to write in this everyday, as I need another way of helping me get some things off my chest and to help move on. As usual, if you're reading this, please feel free to give me any advice, encouragement, criticism, whatever you got! lol. Have a great day folks!
Will
Replies
Well, I didn\'t feel horrible, just eh today, but not horrible.... I forgot all about that lil mood guy, lol.
HI, welcome back.....what a wonderful surprise and what a terrific journal entry from you!!!
I had been wondering how you were doing and what you were doing with your life. After reading this I can see you have been a very busy guy, and now you are going to start to truly reap the benefits of your hard work.
I can so second your comments about God having a sense of humour and pulling some weird tricks in our lives.
I have also had some major ones of those happen to me over the past year or so, but have learnt so much though the tough times He put me through.
This was such a pleasant surprise, and has really made my day!
Well done Will.....and so you should be so proud of yourself for what you have achieved!