Crack House

Windows busted out, holes in all the walls, toilet backed up, crack-head house-mates and boyfriend up every night digging into the walls in search of hidden crack; this is where my pregnancy test came back positive. They kept the windows covered in tye-dyed tapestries and watched non-stop Wheel-of-Fortune during the day.  Sometimes they would play some one hit wonder song popular at the time.  We took our dumps in the back because they stopped up the toilet by flushing paper-towels.  I had a crab infestation and the bathtub was lined with them every time I bathed.  We never cleaned anything.  How they got away with busting up everything all the time I will never know.  There was a spare bedroom that I played my boyfriends guitar in and sang.  I also made a painting of a being screaming out into nothingness.  Letters home were stained with tears and cries of wanting to die.  Morning sickness came over me.  Canned soup was a delicacy.  I pulled a painted red metal coat hanger from the closet and went to the woods to end the pregnancy.  Under some bushes I laid down and gently pushed the straightened wire up in me.  It poked a balloon-like structure.  If I popped it, my baby would die, but I thought it would heart tremendously and that I would feel guilty so I stopped.  Mark's aunt said she wanted nothing to do with the abortion.  A friend who had 15 abortions said that she left the church after her first one.  To end up as pathetic as her would be worse than raising a child.  I was alone.  No one sympathized with my plight.  It is time to do it "God's way", is what I told myself.  I left my boyfriend and gave the baby up for adoption.  She is 12 now.