Counselor today...
Drank again last night. Bah! I have to get this monkey off my back. All it does is make me feel like crap. My depression is always 10x worst the next day (today). I almost went over to the house last night to confront the guy sleeping with my wife. Glad I didnt.Im going to think long and hard about going to AA meetings for a while. Had my first psychotherapy session today. Bruce is my counselor. He was great. I really needed to see him today, with feeling so down. He really gave me a boost. He made me realize that I am still young enough to realize my dreams. That I can still accomplish a ton in life and be happy and proud of myself. He also helped me realize that my marriage wasnt perfect, and maybe there are reasons this is for the best.He asked me what I wanted to work on in the future and I told him I want to work on getting through my anger for my stbx, and being able to forgive her for her transgressions. I would like to do that very much, and he is going to try and help me with that.I have to see the stbx tonight for parent teacher conferances..blah! I hate that! Not the conferances, seeing her. It always makes me feel worse for a day or so. She wanted me to come over to go through some of my things afterward but I said no. I told her i have plans. I dont want to be in that house yet. Mentally im not ready for it.
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I hope you\'re having a good day today. I\'m proud of you for saying no to seeing her tonight. I know it\'s going to be hard on you at school tonight. Know that you\'re there for your kids, not for her. I\'m glad that Bruce helped you today. You have so much to live for & a new life is just around the corner. You have a lot of things to work through, and I think you\'re on the right track. I don\'t know how much you drink, I was having a few drinks a night for the last couple years just to calm my nerves. I quit drinking a couple months ago and feel so much better. Every once in awhile I\'d like to have one, but don\'t. I know that my kids don\'t need to see me drinking every night. I don\'t remember what process you\'re in with your divorce, but you don\'t want her to be able to hold your drinking against you. Especially if there\'s a fight for custody or visitation with the kids. I hope your night goes well. Hang in there & be strong & know that I\'m praying for you.