Coroner called me today on the 3rd month of Smokeys' death

The Coroner called me today on the 3rd month of Smokey's death.  She wanted to know if I wanted a copy of the Coroner's Report and the Autopsy.  I said yes.  They are closing the file on my Smokey.  I can't believe they kept it open for three months.  I don't understand.  They had to do an autopsy on Smokey as he died suddenly at home and never went to see a doctor in his life.  They made me feel like such a criminal.  I had the RCMP over three times.  Once it was because I wasn't answering my cell phone, which had been broken for 3 days and my younger brother Gerald fixed it for me.  I told the RCMP that fact when they came to my door.  They also had to call his younger sister Barb.  i guess they didn't believe me.  Smokey and I talked over the course of 3 years about our wishes and things so we pretty well knew what each other wanted that is for sure.  We both said if we are having heart attacks in our chair don't call 911 and wait until it is over, which is what happend though Smokey was in the bathroom.  I said to him I am calling 911 and Smokey told me no don't do it.  I listened to his wishes.  We both wanted to die a quick death if it was up to us.  Smokey died the way he wanted but it left me in so much pain.   Surprisingly, I don't have guilt over this as Smokey died how he wanted to die.  It has left such a big hole in my heart.  I miss him so much.   If you have faith in God or if you don't have faith in God, the pain seems pretty much unbearable at times and it is hard to cope.  It is hard to do the usual stuff like grocery shopping, household chores, opening the mail, etc.  You know what I mean.  Smokey was supporting after we both decided it was best for me to quit my job.  I find it hard to start looking for a job.  You have to be at your best but you lost the love of your life and it is hard to focus on things.   My daughter Lisa is not understanding about grief and things but she is most helpful in the practical things.  My younger brother Gerald and his wife Sheri have been most supportive and helpful in the practical things as well.  They live on Vancouver Island, BC Canada.  After my visit with them this weekend, Gerald gave both Lisa and myself a gift card to Save-On-Foods.  I am lucky.  My older brother Don has Asperger's Syndrome but tries his best to support me and he has a genuine caring and loving heart.  If you know anyone with Asperger's they tend to repeat the same conversation over and over again.  At first it was helpful to distract me from the loss of Smokey.  Now I am finding it annoying and quick to anger.  It's not his fault.  I am learning patience thru dealing with Don.  At times especially mourning the loss of Smokey, I was not the most patience or understanding woman in the world.  I am learning slowly.   Any how I digress, the call from the Coroner's office was surprising and got my heart beating rather quickly.  I am calming down now and thanks for listening.  I hope you have a great day.  I have to get lunch ready as Don is coming over.  Talk to you later.