Cornered
I am so lost. I keep googling "suicide" and "xanax overdose" I don't know how to get the thoughts out. this is not like every day, I can handle that, this is so different. This is intense. I'm not afraid. I can do it, it would be so easy, and there would only be a minimal amount of people that it would effect. In this case I have to weigh the pros against the cons and my result is that suicide seems like it could be a logical answer to my problems. Though, I have the suicide hotline umbers and I keep giving myself 24 hour periods to think about things but I'm so lost. I don't want to tell my parents or my doctor because I don't want my therapy or my medication altered or fucked with. I want to share this with someone that I have known for a while but I get so confused as to who I should reach out to. Who would understand? Who would want to listen and help. Who knows me enough to not be afraid by my thoughts yet take them seriously. I feel that I have contributed enough to the world that I am OK to depart, to see what is next for me. I am curious as to what is on the other side... what is to cone of me? there is nothing more for me here I have lost everything, everything. Some is my fault and some not but I know I don't deserve this, and no one should be subject to this pain. I have this amazing urge to cut my wrist again especially since it is cold enough to wear long sleeved shirts to cover the scars. Ok my seroquel is setting in and I have to go to sleep.
Replies
it is never easy to deal with a hard life and i am sorry you are going through this. but to say not many people would care is really sad. if you think you have done enough that you can depart you are greatly misstaken. you could do soooooo much more. i know what it feels like to feel all alone and a screw up. and to want to end your life. this is something where you might want to think about others and not yourself. do you truely want to hurt your famiyl and friends? do you truely think it is time and ok to end your life? do you truely want to see what is on the other side right now?
there is always someone to talk to. if you are dating someone or have a best friend i really think you should talk to them. they will be there for you if they are you true friend and care. this is something that can change everything. life isn\'t easy for anyone. ther are many many road blocks and bolders in life. but getting past them make you that much stronger. if youu have come this far you should be proud and try and push further