Coping mechanisms
My husband is finding it difficult with me at the moment. I am needing a lot of emotional support and that is something he doesn't feel comfortable with at all. I was cooking for him last night and I just started sobbing. He did come over and did the whole "What's wrong with you?! You're alright calm down." Rough hug, pat on the back and back on his computer. His PC is his priority in all things, he is a self confessed gaming addict and he gets cross with me for cutting into his gaming time.
I sat him down and tried explaining to him how it makes me feel when he dismisses me in favour of the computer. He told me that when he's upset he just bottles it up and deals with it and can't I do the same? I explained to him that all through my life I had no one that I could talk to, no one I could confide in and I DID bottle it all up, but that led to my self harm as that was the only way I COULD cope. Now he has told me in the past that if I go back to that he will take my little girl away from me. It upset me that he was so close minded to different coping mechanisms, but I get his concern. Anyway I told him that the reason I need him, the reason I talk to him, is because I DON'T WANT to go back to that. I told him that I need him otherwise I cannot cope. He turned around to me and said "Oh just go into the bathroom, dismantle one of your razors and have fun." I have never felt so dejected in my life.
I sat him down and tried explaining to him how it makes me feel when he dismisses me in favour of the computer. He told me that when he's upset he just bottles it up and deals with it and can't I do the same? I explained to him that all through my life I had no one that I could talk to, no one I could confide in and I DID bottle it all up, but that led to my self harm as that was the only way I COULD cope. Now he has told me in the past that if I go back to that he will take my little girl away from me. It upset me that he was so close minded to different coping mechanisms, but I get his concern. Anyway I told him that the reason I need him, the reason I talk to him, is because I DON'T WANT to go back to that. I told him that I need him otherwise I cannot cope. He turned around to me and said "Oh just go into the bathroom, dismantle one of your razors and have fun." I have never felt so dejected in my life.
Replies
That\'s terribly sad and hurtful. You deserve better. Maybe in time he will evolve, but apparently he can\'t deal with feelings at all - his own, or yours. You did a good job of explaining yourself to him and I\'m sorry he couldn\'t be there for you. You are very right to want to let your feelings out - it\'s really good for you to cry when you need to cry.
My husband used to try to make me stop crying because it upset him to see it. I had to tell him specifically what to do - just hold me and don\'t try to make me stop. He\'s gotten a lot better after 20 years together but I can always feel how uncomfortable he is so it\'s still a little suppressive.
I hope you have someone else in your life who can offer you better support.
As it is all I have is here. My family I don\'t trust since they scapegoated me, and my friends, unfortunately, are all takers. Try talking to them about anything bothering me and they quickly lose interest. My mother in law tries...but I find myself hating her because she is doing what my mother should and she only seems to make the right noises, she doesn\'t truly listen if that makes sense. She annoys me on a level I cannot understand and I truly don\'t know why.
Then please turn to us on Daily Strength for as much comfort and support as you can get. Even though it\'s online, relationships with people here can mean a lot and can do a lot for us. One person on the PTSD group actually had his blood pressure come down since spending time on DS!
Also, please talk to your counselor about getting more support. It should be clear that you need more. Ask that person what you\'d have to do to get more and then tailor your symptoms accordingly. You have to make them know how serious your need is - without getting sectioned, I guess.