continued doubts, and, the GAF incident
and you’re sitting there and you’re wondering where it went wrong. But it never went wrong, really. It was doomed from the beginning. Yet you feel you must ask, How did we get here, in this void of solitude and delusion, this place where we think we have each other, yet it’s all a crazy fallacy. He’s there with his words of love, admiration, desire. Yet he’s not there, not really, when you need him the most. He says, he says, he says. But does he ever do?
~~written and posted to tumblr, Aug 17, 2014
i feel and have always felt that i was the one doing all the chasing. i want to feel chased for once. i need to feel needed and wanted. i'm nearly always the one reaching out to him, making plans for him. his words keep saying he wants to be with me, but his actions show nothing of the sort. his words continue to build me up, yet his actions always fall short.
i invited him to stay saturday night, after the GAF. i made sure jess stayed at gammy's, i drove her over there last minute, jess didn't really wanna go, i put alot into him being able to stay. but he left. he said he was too hot. and he left. next day he says he planned on staying. i just don't fucking believe him anymore.
all these months, we've been having a good time together, and i know our schedules are really tough for us to see each other alot. but whenever we do, we usually have sex, which is fine in and of itself, but we are not building up any other part of our relationship. i'm in this for real. but even though i have believed him when he tells me he loves me, i've still continued to stay wary, still wondering if he's in it only for the sex. and after 7 months i still don't know. i still don't feel any less doubtful. and over the last weekend, i feel even MORE doubtful.
after GAF, and i had enough to drink to make me uber-sleepy, we were sitting on the couch cuddling and what-not. i do believe he started feeling me up, and down. and when his hand started down towards my pants, i warned him i was on the tail-end of my period and i still had a pad on. that stopped him cold, and shortly thereafter, he left.
now i feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. on one hand, i have doubts, so what if i end up not believing his "i love yous" anymore but then he truly IS sincere, then that just shows that i didnt trust him. on the other hand, what if i continue to believe him, and it's really nothing at all... what do i do now?
~~written and posted to tumblr, Aug 17, 2014
i feel and have always felt that i was the one doing all the chasing. i want to feel chased for once. i need to feel needed and wanted. i'm nearly always the one reaching out to him, making plans for him. his words keep saying he wants to be with me, but his actions show nothing of the sort. his words continue to build me up, yet his actions always fall short.
i invited him to stay saturday night, after the GAF. i made sure jess stayed at gammy's, i drove her over there last minute, jess didn't really wanna go, i put alot into him being able to stay. but he left. he said he was too hot. and he left. next day he says he planned on staying. i just don't fucking believe him anymore.
all these months, we've been having a good time together, and i know our schedules are really tough for us to see each other alot. but whenever we do, we usually have sex, which is fine in and of itself, but we are not building up any other part of our relationship. i'm in this for real. but even though i have believed him when he tells me he loves me, i've still continued to stay wary, still wondering if he's in it only for the sex. and after 7 months i still don't know. i still don't feel any less doubtful. and over the last weekend, i feel even MORE doubtful.
after GAF, and i had enough to drink to make me uber-sleepy, we were sitting on the couch cuddling and what-not. i do believe he started feeling me up, and down. and when his hand started down towards my pants, i warned him i was on the tail-end of my period and i still had a pad on. that stopped him cold, and shortly thereafter, he left.
now i feel stuck between a rock and a hard place. on one hand, i have doubts, so what if i end up not believing his "i love yous" anymore but then he truly IS sincere, then that just shows that i didnt trust him. on the other hand, what if i continue to believe him, and it's really nothing at all... what do i do now?
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