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crack, he was very abusive, he would beat me just cause, even when I was pregnant. I stayed because I desperately wanted a family of my own. I was willing to do ANYTHING and take ANYTHING to have one. That situation got so bad that I considered taking my own life. I was the lowest that I had ever been. He had left to take our Son's to Daycare, I got the gun from off the closet shelf and put it to my head... Crying hysterically, I heard a Voice say TRUST ME! I put the gun down and fell to the floor and cried until my nose bled. I asked that Voice I heard to help me! I can't leave and I can't get out! HELP ME!!! Later on I found out that the Voice that I heard telling me to TRUST HIM was God! He got me out of tht situation and I never looked back.
I took 6 yrs to get myself together, to get free of all that toxic garbage that I had experienced. Looking to become healthy and whole. I found me a Church Home with Sound Doctrine and a Solid Foundation, got deeply involved, My Son's and I were being Blessed beyond measure... Life was finally good! I was happy in my own skin, I had forgiven all who hurt me and went and told them. All except my Steph-Dad, he got killed when I was 13. But I was well on my way to a good life, a life filled with joy. drama free and love! I had excepted the fact that the Love that I was desperately searching for, I had it all along with God! I accepted His love for me and I was content. I was not looking when he found me. But he found me and he has again brought PAIN back into my life!
I prayed for the Man that he pertrayed that he was. He took good care of me, he was a protector, he acted like he loved my Son's ad if they were his own, he showered me with love and affection, gifts, brought the groceries, went went on trips together and with the boys, I told him all my secrets and he turned them on me.
Now he's with someone else, and I feel cheated! We prayed together every Morning, He went to Church with me, I mean I just knew that he was my forever... My Husband and it was all a lie.
Today, day 32 of No contact is not starting off great! So I pray, Father God!!! HELP ME!!! I hear you saying Trust Me! You are ALL that I have, so Trust You I will. A Mustard seed of Faith is All that I have. Grateful, that's all that I need!
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I feel so connected to you . I wish you all the happiness in the world and want to congratulate you on your bravely and patience.
I myself has been going through hard time. Person i loved once thinking that he loved me back, turned out to be the person who not only planned my discard but was actually in verge of making me mad for his own good and selfishness and now is using every bit of information i told him as a husband against me.
Pain that i feel each day. Fear that i feel each day cannot be explained even in words but i still trust God to help me and one day i will finally be free.
Gunjan07 This is not easy! I understand exactly where you are! Only God can give you the comfort you need at this time. Some days I be fine, then other days I feel as if I'm loosing my mind! I never loved like this before, therefore I don't fully know how to maneuver through the pain. Daily I wake and give the Father all the pain, I pour it out to Him like a drink offering! My Ex has come back many times, since my last post and I have to tell you that I accepted him only to be disappointed again. This time, I'm choosing me! To Love me, and to know that I'm worthy of Love. I have totally surrendered ALL unto the Father and now I wait for my Healing and Change to come. I will be praying for you, because this Pain is unbelievable and paralyzing... BUT GOD! We can and Will get through this with His help! Trust God more than you ever have in your life... It may depend on it! Bless and Keep you! Know that you're not alone! We will get through this together!