contact

He emailed me the other day. It was odd--I had gotten the cell phone bill--the first one since the one we broke up over--the one that showed me just how much he was communicating with this other woman. My first reaction was "I don't want to see that", knowing that the last of his calls/texts before we broke up and I removed him from my account would be on there. So I sent it to the trash folder.

It occurred to me later that I really needed to look at the bill and make sure he was off and the service was changed and everything else, so I went to retrieve it. There was an email from him. Maybe I should have just used the opportunity to block his emails from my account, but I knew I wouldn't.

It was simple. He thought he'd take a chance that he could get through to me. He's moving to Ireland in August. Finished the book he was working on. Then he said "You know you and I will never get over each other". 

I don't know. Maybe it was his expressing that this was hard on him--he'd been so stony faced when we broke up. I'd wondered if he even cared that we were done. That maybe that was what he wanted. But a little--very little---something.....

So I wrote him back. I said thought he might go back to Ireland. How did the book turn out. And no, I won't get over you either. Looking back that was a defeatist thing to say--I have to get over him to move on, but at that moment--that didn't seem possible. 

I got another message back. Asking about my daughter and sister. That he thinks about me. Then he asked if I had his Santa suit--he might do Santa in Ireland. Honestly, in my anger I donated his Santa suit to Goodwill, but I just played dumb and said I thought I had sent it. Also figured, OK, that's what he wanted from me. 

But I did hear back the next day, and nothing about the suit. Again, that he thinks about me a lot. That we could always talk. A little about the book. 

I answered that he'd have to call me--I didn't have his phone number. He replied that he didn't have a phone and was getting one next week....?

I made some comment about how then, we can't always talk. Told him what was going on with my daughter. Told him about the kittens I'd adopted.

He did clarify the phone comment. He was using a pay-as-you-go phone and was out of time and couldn't put more in it until he got his check next week. But then, he said, we'd talk. 

Stupid? Foolish? I don't know.