Confusion

Last day of work until the new year.

I'm both excited and nervous.

I don't know why the holidays are always so difficult for me. I want to be able to enjoy my family and the things I love (or am supposed to enjoy)  I hope I'm able to this year.

Last Christmas was so bad I very nearly lost the fight against my depression.

But I'm on new meds now a lot of them. Saraquil Caplyta prazosin and propranolol it's only been 5 weeks so too soon to say how effective they are....right?    I still feel empty most of the time, but the lows don't seam quite so low.   I haven't been hypo-manic since that horrific mixed episode 2 months ago. Omygosh that was the WORST ever! I had a complete break at work and a coworker had to take me to the ER.  (What lead to my medication adjustment) So I guess that better?

Can't say I'm actually ok....not yet "me" again.

I wonder if I ever will be?