Confused and needing guidance
Well I finally made a appt..with a therapist to get a grip and help...I was doing better I thought...Then my son...says I keep getting a look on my face...He says he is trying to help me and he thinks and questions the way I do things...Trying to cope with my grief and his inability to understand what I am going through is causing friction..I don't really know what the look is...I admit I am sensitive to what I perceive as criticism...I can't handle this very well...If I try to explain he says we all grieve and says he is not the one with a problem...I am afraid I am going to say the wrong thing..So I am hoping counseling will help..I couldn't stop my tears today..I finally went to visit my grandson and his little ones and that helped my spirits...They are so precious and always happy to see me..That's my blessing...and my grandson who is 30 always hugs me when I get there and when I leave...I never thought my life would be like this..I pray for guidance..
Replies
It has come to my awareness that most people will not understand our grief. Even the ones closest to us. Talking with someone outside of the situation may be the perfect thing for you. Hold your head up mypenny you have done nothing wrong you are just grieving . We all do it in our own way There is no right or wrong . May your prays for guidance be answered and give you hope that you will see the other side of this . Keep loving yourself and know that you are not alone. We are here.
Bayoured speaks my truth as well. Before I became one I never understood how much pain people who had lost a mate, married or not, had to live with. Now I regret not having been more supportive of their need and their right to mourn for as long as they needed to.
I have an adult son and like yours he's grieving a different loss than we are. Our boys lost not only their Fathers but part of their Mothers as well. I believe that our children want to see us get back to the Mothers they used to know as quickly as possible. Letting them know that we understand that need and that we're working hard to glue our broken pieces back together may help. I told my son that the glue will probably take a long time to set and there will always be evidence of the breaks I'm suffering, but I'll get there. I asked that he help me by allowing me to heal in my our own way and at my own pace.
"It's going to be okay" is what we said to comfort them when they were hurting as young children. I think they need to hear that now, especially during the times when we don't fully believe it ourselves.
Stay strong, mypenny. And stay here. We understand.
Wishing you the best day possible.
Ellen J
Thank you Jaxmate...Ellen..and Bayoured...Now I know I am not alone and the only one feeling this way....I am overwhelmed with my husband's tools and a classic car I need to sell....I guess I get offended and hurt when I have to explain myself ..why are you or what are you doing...Why do you act like that....I hope to feel better...Your advice makes sense...Hugs
Thank you Jaxmate...Ellen..and Bayoured...Now I know I am not alone and the only one feeling this way....I am overwhelmed with my husband's tools and a classic car I need to sell....I guess I get offended and hurt when I have to explain myself ..why are you or what are you doing...Why do you act like that....my son is 49 yrs. Old and he does suffer from depression..Your advice makes sense...and maybe we are to much alike....I love him dearly...I am going to make a conscious effort to not react.....Today was a better day...
Can you try telling him how you feel and that having to explain yourself hurts right now but you'd welcome his help and advice? That might work.
If all else fails you can try going full-on parent and reply calmly to the hurtful questions "Because I want to be"-"I'm doing what I have to"-"Because I need to". And if that doesn't stop the questions you can get out the big gun that every child fears and tell him "Enough questions! Why? BECAUSE I SAID SO!"
No matter how old they get we'll always be their Mommy and grieving doesn't rob us of our parental power, Consider unleashing it when you need some peace same as you may have done when he was little.
I'm in your corner Mama.