Confused..
Lately I am confused about my depression. Is it due to menopause? Is it due to stress? Am I self defeating? Am I just lazy?
It is so hard to sort it all out. I want to be one of those people who can do anything. I know that I have to accept my limitations but I worked hard for my master's degree and I want to be able to work in my field but it all seems so hard. I feel like I missed some big chunk of my education that everyone else got. All of my friends have these great jobs and seem to be doing fine while I feel like I can barely get through a part time work schedule. I am exhausted all the time, almost never feel positive, life is awful. And yet I have a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful children who need me. Why can't I pull it together? Many people see me as a great person and right now I just can't see myself that way. I feel like a complete loser, a fuck up since I quit my job in October. I feel like I let everybody down and I'll never be able to do anything right again.
This is not at all what I imagined for my life at 49, I am so disappointed.
Replies
I think your job was really unfair. They overloaded you with too many kids, etc. Considering its only November - you're really just fresh out of that defeat. Its natural that it would take some time to get your grounding again. It seems you had the job of your dreams - and since it didn't work out - you've now given up. Kind of black or white thinking. I think there is a middle ground and that you can work towards. Get practice with the part-time gig - then when your comfortable move it up to full time and go back to your field. You fought long and hard for that masters - don't let the first bad job experience take it all away from you.
Thanks Deb, that is what I am hoping to do but I am not doing too well with the part time gig either. I am wondering if I am just not cut out to be a speech therapist. I am finding it really hard to find a starting point with my kids and engage them in meaningful activities. I have a few active little boys who have no interest in communicating with me and I have no idea how to get their interest.