I have bad allergies and to top it off, PMS-ing so i am hoping thats why my brain is all fuzzed up with all sorts of thougts.  i cant stop crying! its a pain in the ass.  I know that our marriage is going to end or come to an end but still i am balling and wailing about it.  i dont want to tell any of my friends because its so freaking old already.  i go thru the whole "this is the right thing, we are too different any way, there is better out there" to the whole "why why why why" bit.  I dont want to be negative about it, i am trying really hard not to do the whole texing him "why cant it work out, why dont you love me wa wa wa" shit but FUCK, what do i do with these thoughts????  Where do i throw my concerns? i cant figure it out.  He seems so good too, i mean he is good, i want to feel good too and not worry about it or think or any of that.  This sucks.  this totaly sucks.  I am so over it, i am so tired of this situation over and over but yet i wont do anything i hate it, its making me hate me and i blame myself non stop.  yes a majority of it IS my fault but still, it makes me sick when i go over the events again and again. fuuuck.