confession

I feel the draw to make sense out of something that no longer makes sense to me.
I was a part of a church congregation that involved me in their life. I then the other weekend
was sent an email by one of the parisheners that sent me into a paranoid and awful pain.
I don't want to look at this note again. I just have to say though that it started me into a
real mania and analysis of things. I have told the Reverund of the church and also that parishener that I won't be back to the church "For a while" as I have some healing to do.
It's a weird time. The parishener who wrote the awful note said to me that she found it hard to accept my withdrawal - but her instinct to not be accepting of it, though presented as best I could is part of the problem. I mean I feel awful and yet mistrusting.
I get on so much better and feel tons more supported in my real life than I did at the church. It was kind of a parade there in a way - but I also liked some of the things about it. I will miss the Reverund
and the way I was received yet being turned into a paranoidal maniac might be something I should listen to with a grain of truth. I need to take care and yet dumping a society that I got to know is weird.
I have to listen to myself.