compression

watched a gay movie today, it was a funny one, the curiousity of chance, really liked it, made me laugh, and although i'm still in hiding, i felt a could relate. what i wouldn't give to just be out, be myself. have a girlfriend and be happy. i hate hiding, it's not my nature, and i dont want to be afraid forever. somedays i feel i could just come out to everyone at once, gather them and yell it in their faces... but thats ridiculus... i'm just so restless and tired of hiding, the closet is getting to tight and i cant breathe, it's too much. i'm sufficating to death. my friends parents are lying. they said she was in pakistan, but she emailed her boyfriend last week from her brothers computer. their lying to me and holding her captive. but what can i say. they told me she was in pakistan, if she's not and being held, i have no proof and i dont want to destroy everything i have with the family and with her. she doesn't know it, but i love her to death, i just came out to her, and she's the second out of only two people that know. i'v never been more attracted to anyone before and now i dont know what's going on in that house. it's unsettling and all i want is to run over there and prove to myself she's in pakistan, for both our sake's. would it be too much to ask for one thing to go right...