Complexities of life .crazy notes from yesterday’s travels
Notes that I wrote yesterday:
I’m getting ready to take off. I see so much of my
Penchant for philosophy and living in philosophy as a passion to now heal from.
Living in philosophy and power dynamics
I suddenly was in touch with the system I was in on the airplane. I thought about Canada.
The system in Canada really suited me
Vs a life of my own design.
Understanding the power dynamics at the monastery
Learning to live outside this discipline
of philosophy Would it take therapy
I suddenly was in touch with the system I was in on the airplane. I thought about Canada.
The system in Canada really suited me
Suddenly felt the love of the religious life system here and how there are times when it seems so much about control over everything and everyone. The love feeling was so intense I thought at one point I want it to be controlled and safe.
And then I got a hold of myself and scoffed at the idea of like remaining snug in the love and controlled by
I thought about what monastics and religion teaches us to do. Controlling our passions
When looking at others who keep a tight shape or pro formas it speaks to me.
I tend to know they understand life in a way that is structured and wise or smart in a kind of conservative way? or is akin to how you would feel are in broaching communication with them? Or a relationship? Not sure.
The communication of boundaries here can be off putting.
But also the next step of respect for the power dynamics can really irk me.
I feel like I am enmeshed in this life.
To the point of living in someone else’s
way of being or someone else's control.
I thought again about my passion for philosophy and I was all tense on the plane what was I bouncing off of? I was Relating to my patience and trying to be
pat as a traveler to get to my destination.
Always thinking about who I am what I’m dealing with, I guess it's natural to a degree but I guess it's my way of relating
I think I’m realizing that this pursuit of wisdom has me missing out on life and it’s not altogether too good for me
Realized I have a hard time relating to myself at times and so I find myself forcing my adaptations rather than understanding my true desires.
Can see how others are relating
We work well when things are consistent and constant and reaffirming in a system. Stability and space.
With all the change in life and here just keep on keeping on...
Replies
I hope that you have a lovely time away sweetie
Yes you are in a way of life and rules that I guess could seem like control at times
I think though that is the only way several people living under the same roof can work without it being chaotic
And you all have a common
bond and goal
The grass can often seem greener and so on at times I think no matter what life we choose for ourselves
I hope that you have some nice 'you' time while you're away sweetie
Finding some time just for you may be something that you need to have in order to find a healthy balance for yourself sweetie
Big hug...xo
Thanks Janet!! You are amazing!!!
You are so brave to be embarking on this new journey. I hope you arrived safely and soon get a day of rest and fun. Hugs!
Thanks Susan!!