Completely Lost.

Man I don't want to die. But I'm so fuckin scared right now. My heart hurts, I can't breath, I'm scared, Idk how to stop these negative thoughts that are just flooding my brain. I keep playing what happened at the hospital when I went to say goodbye to my cousin over and over in my head. My facebook is flooded with condolences and pictures of him. I feel like crying every second of the day. I had the biggest anxiety attack of my life on 9/26/2015. Usually after a big anxiety attack it takes me a while to recover. I didn't have that chance though because family and friends came over to give condolences. I wanted so bad and still do want to be around family. Fuck that, it's not that I just "want" to be around my family but I NEED to be around my family at this point. I'm just completely lost. I feel like this the thing that's going to push me over the edge. And I'm scared shitless.